Broken Heart
by beautifulpurpleflame
Summary: When someone says they have a broken heart, why does no one ever think of it in the literal sense? BBxRae
1. The Passage of Time

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 1

Beast Boy was pacing back and forth in his bedroom, his mind racing as well as his heart. He only had one thing, or rather person, on his mind. Raven. He had to tell her. Somehow, he had to tell her. He had to tell her that five years ago an odd feeling of nervousness and an urge to impress her had suddenly overcome him. He had to tell her that four years ago he had developed a feeling of affection towards her. He had to tell her that three years ago that affection had transformed into a strong adoration. He had to tell her that two years ago that adoration had finally emerged as a crush. He had to tell her that one year ago that crush turned into something more. And he had to tell her that now he had full blown fallen in love with her. It couldn't be that hard to tell her all of that, right?

"How the hell am I gonna tell her?" he asked himself as he paced, doing his best to avoid the various piles of clothes and junk that littered his floor. "I can't just go up to her and tell her I love her. But how do you even introduce a subject like this?"

He sighed and collapsed onto his bottom bunk. He had decided that today would be the day for he couldn't handle the longing and pain he felt when he saw her any longer. It was a nice day, so he knew she would be in a good mood. But her mood, like the weather, could change in an instant. And that's what intrigued him the most; her uniqueness.

"She's so different," he said, staring at the bottom of the bed above him. "She feels so much and yet shows so little. She has had such a burden put on her I can't even imagine what it must be like. And she's so beautiful! She's not Starfire beautiful, which you can really find in any glamour magazine. She's… got that natural beauty about her. She glows with a light that only seems to surround paintings of angels. And she doesn't even realize it. Oh God, why can't I say all of this in front of her?"

At the other end of the hall in another room another Titan was in her own state of turmoil. She sat on her bed, trying to meditate, but failing miserably.

"So much has changed," she said to herself. "A single day seems to take a month to pass, but the years fly by like minutes. And how do you retain all of the memories you make in a day for all of the years to come? What makes some days better than others? Each breath we take is a miracle and we should, therefore, remember every breath we take. But we don't. And every day we change. Every day we grow, we age, we learn more, and we die a little. Our bodies die a little each day and yet we do not become aware of death until it is breathing down our neck, even though it has been for years dying."

Raven shook her head and cleared herself of these thoughts.

"Why am I thinking like this?" she asked herself. "I never think this deep for no reason at all. Something must be coming. I can feel it. I hate having this sixth… or seventh sense. I have so many extra senses it's hard to tell what's natural and what isn't. But, no matter how many senses I have, one thing I know. Something shall happen today and by the dark feeling I'm getting within me, it's not going to be something good."

She slid off of her bed and prepared to go out to the common room. She needed to get out of her dark room, if just for a moment, to clear and calm her mind. The sunlight would drive these unsettling feelings out of her long enough for her to suppress them and push them aside.

She made it to the common room and saw three of her teammates; her friends. Time had changed them, as it changes everyone who sees it long enough to miss it when their time ends. They were each older, their bodies grown and their minds molded to know the ways of the world. Starfire a beautiful alien woman, Robin a handsome heroic man, Cyborg a dashingly brilliant man, and… and… Raven noticed that one teammate was missing from her sight; the one who had changed the most.

"Hi Raven," said Cyborg looking over his shoulder from the couch.

"Hello," said Raven, addressing everyone in the room so she would have to speak as little as possible. "Where's Beast Boy?"

"I believe he is in his room," said Starfire.

"Why?" asked Robin.

"Just wondering," said Raven simply. She went over to one of the large windows and looked out upon the magnificent view. It was mid afternoon so the sun would not be setting for a few hours. The day was just in its prime and this was when decision should be made, or the day would soon pass away and life would have to pause until the birth of the next day.

The common room doors slide open once more and revealed the last Titan, making the team whole. He took a look around the room and saw his friends and his love were there. Just the sight of her made his heart flutter and his soul burn. She was standing right in front of one of the windows, looking out over the horizon. Lord, she was beautiful.

"Hey Beast Boy," said Cyborg.

"Hey guys," said Beast Boy with a smile.

"Raven was looking for you," said Starfire sweetly.

"She was?" he asked, his voice going a little higher than would have been acceptable as normal. He saw Raven turn around and the two made eye contact. "You were?"

"I wasn't looking," said Raven. "I was wondering, since you weren't in here."

"Oh," said Beast Boy, his ears drooping a little.

She saw his ears fall a centimeter or two and turned back towards the view from the tower. He was so very different from the Beast Boy she had met all those years ago when he still bore an absurd mask. He was taller and his body was more defined; a man's body now. His shoulders were broad and his thin frame was sculpted to fit him just perfectly. His once round sweet face had become sharp and exceedingly handsome.

She felt him walk up behind her and she saw his reflection in the window. His face was turned out towards the view, and yet his eyes were fixated on her. That was something else that had changed over the years; his eyes. Not the color or size of the eyes themselves, but the feelings and emotions he expressed through them.

At first, she had not noticed. But, like all things that change slowly over time, she suddenly realized the difference one day when he had made eye contract with her. They were far different than what his eyes had always been; full of impulsive actions and a spark of playfulness. Now when she looked into them she saw different eyes. They seemed… deeper. As if now they held great thoughts and even a sense of enlightenment, but at the same time vulnerability and conflict.

"Great view, huh?" he said, breaking into her thoughts.

"Yes, quite lovely," she said, looking at his eyes in the reflection of the window.

It grew silent between the two of them, but it was a comfortable silence. Just to be this close to her was like heaven to Beast Boy and he never wanted to descend back to Earth. And Raven could feel how comfortable he was and that, in turn, made her feel a little more comfortable. But, there was something lurking within him that confused her. He had something nagging him at the back of his mind and she could feel that he wanted to let it all out.

"Beast Boy?" she said.

"Huh?" he asked, practically jumping at the fact that she had addressed him.

"Is everything alright?" asked Raven. "I can feel something… troubling you. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, there kinda is," said Beast Boy, his heart racing and his mind spinning.

"Can I help?" asked Raven.

"Well, um," said Beast Boy, trying to think fast. "Can we talk somewhere else?"

Raven looked at him oddly and said, "Alright."

The two walked out of the common room and stopped in the middle of the hall. Why, Raven did not know. Beast Boy just couldn't take another step, the anticipation of the conversation that was about to come made him feel light headed and a little sick.

"Okay, now what's the matter?" asked Raven.

"Well, nothing, really," said Beast Boy.

"Then why did you bring me here to talk to me?" asked Raven, slightly annoyed.

"Well, I just wanted us to have some privacy," said Beast Boy.

"Privacy?" asked Raven. "Why would we need privacy?"

"Because… because I need to, um, tell you something," said Beast Boy, uneasily. "Something… important to me."

"What is it?" asked Raven softly, truly intrigued now.

He took a big breath in and with all of his courage began to speak. "Well, you see, uh, Raven, I kinda… sorta… lo-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP

The hallway began to flash red lights and the sirens began to sing their song of trouble. No sooner had the alarm gone off when both of their communicators began to jingle. They both flipped them open and saw Robin.

"Come back to the common room," he ordered.

"On our way," said Raven. She looked to Beast Boy who looked as if he was both furious and relieved all at the same time. "We'll talk later, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," he said, a bit sadly. And with that the two headed for the common room to see what was going on.

"It's Johnny Rancid," said Robin. "He's tearing up downtown."

"I thought they revoked his motorcycle license?" said Cyborg.

"Yeah, but that doesn't stop him from getting on one," said Robin.

"Quickly, let us go before he does more of the tearing up of the city," said Starfire.

"Alright, Titans go!" ordered Robin and with that the five headed off for downtown Jump City.

Johnny Rancid laughed to himself menacingly as he tore through the streets and on the sidewalks. Innocent citizens were leaping left and right, just trying to get out of his way. His newest motorcycle was as dark and evil looking as Johnny Rancid was himself. His beady eyes keyed in on a young man and he gave chase, just for the shear fun of seeing someone in pure fear. The young man ran as fast as he could and Johnny chuckled evilly as he closed in on the poor soul.

Suddenly a blast came from in front of him and he was caused to screech to a stop. The smoke cleared and he saw the Titans before him. Robin had thrown a smoke disk and luckily it had startled Rancid enough to cause him to stop.

"Alright, Johnny, enough's enough," said Robin. "You're coming with us."

"Ha! Don't think so," said Johnny Rancid, revving his motorcycle.

"You are under the arrest," said Starfire, flying a little higher into the air and aiming a green glowing hand at him. "Please, do not try to resist."

Johnny just smiled wickedly. Before they could do anything he spun his bike around and took off in the other direction. The Titans quickly gave chase. They knew what they had to do, get his bike away from him. If he didn't have his motorcycle he was basically nothing. Robin jumped on his own motorcycle while Cyborg took the T-car and Beast Boy and the girls flew as fast as they could to keep up.

Johnny sped through the streets and made sure to take out anything in his way, or rather anything he could reach from where he was on his motorcycle. Newspaper stands, parking meters, street signs, anything was fair game.

Starfire showered him with starbolts and tried to hit his tires, but the starbolts only ricocheted off the rubber and would hit something else. It was obvious that he wasn't like most of the other villains who didn't learn from their encounters with the Titans. Johnny Rancid took the knowledge he had learned from each battle and put it to good use, or rather bad use.

Robin quickly made it up next to him and began to bump Rancid with his bike. He returned the favor to Robin and nearly ran him off the road. Cyborg got on the other side of Johnny and together he and Robin sandwiched the villain between both of their vehicles. Now they had control and it was time to put their long awaited plan into action.

"Raven, now!" ordered Robin.

Raven concentrated and suddenly her dark powers manifested into a black claw, which rose from the pavement and grabbed Rancid's bike. It suddenly disappeared from under Rancid, causing him to continue on forward through the air. Beast Boy quickly swooped down and turned into a pterodactyl, grabbing Rancid by the shoulders before he could smash into the pavement.

Rancid was stunned for a moment, but then a furry unlike anything the Titans had ever seen rose up within him. He quickly pulled his way out of Beast Boy's grasp and fell to the ground. The Titans quickly surrounded him before he could take off running.

"Okay, Johnny, end of the road," said Robin.

"Where's my bike!" he growled, looking at Raven.

"You mean this?" asked Raven as she drew up a crumpled ball of metal from the pavement that had once been his beloved bike. He stared at it in shock.

"Looks like you're bike isn't completely Titan proof," smirked Beast Boy.

"You bitch!" screamed Rancid. He draw a pistol from his belt and before anything could be done, before words could be said, before they could gasp from shock, he fired.

The shot echoed through the streets, which were now empty of innocent bystanders. Starfire had let out a screech of shock when the sound had occurred and they all jumped with shock.

Raven remembered what she had been thinking about that day. About time and how oddly it plays out. How years pass by quickly and days take weeks. The entire battle with Johnny Rancid seemed to only take five minutes, when in reality it had nearly taken forty-five minutes just for Robin and Cyborg to get up near him. And the bullet that flew through the air seemed to take hours to reach its destination, when in reality not even a second could pass.

The shock of pain and the force of the bullet entering her was what snapped the time back into real time. She felt her knees go weak beneath her and she folded over to the ground from both shock and pain.

The sounds around her became muffled and light. She couldn't understand what Robin was yelling or why Beast Boy was screaming. She heard more gunshots echo through the air, but these did not affect her. She saw the sky above her, clouds mildly floating past making a bright contrast to the blue. A small jet was flying by, so high it seemed to be only a speck with a small white tail behind it.

She could hear a scuffle and more yelling. The pain was starting to fade away, as well as the reality around her. She saw Beast Boy come into her view and he quickly knelt down next to her. He was speaking nonstop, worry and fear behind his eyes. Not a word could she understand. His lips were moving and sound was being omitted from them, but she could not make sense of it. She watched as Beast Boy tore her leotard open and turned pale as he stared at her chest.

She could feel that she was struggling to breathe and her body was shaking, but she could not connect her body with her mind. She felt as if she was within someone else. She couldn't understand why Beast Boy was putting pressure upon her chest or why he kept turning his head and screaming.

Slowly the sky began to fade as did the world surrounding her. Finally all sound became deaf within her ears. She kept her eyes on Beast Boy, who had tears streaming down his cheeks as he kept talking to her. The last things she saw were his glistening green eyes. And then she succumb to the darkness.


	2. So Very Close

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 2

Tick… tick… tick… Beast Boy watched as the clock ticked by. He had watched the second hand make a full trip around the clock what seemed like a million times. He sat on the edge of the waiting room couch anxiously. His left leg was shaking nonstop nervously. He kept rubbing and wringing his hands, not even realizing he was doing it. It had been five hours. Five hours since it had happened. Tick… tick… tick…

As soon as Raven had been shot he had ran as fast as he could to her, before Johnny could hit her again. Rancid immediately tried to shoot him, but Robin had quickly attacked him. The gun had been fired in random directions, luckily not hitting anyone, and he was finally restrained.

Beast Boy quickly surveyed her and saw where she'd been hit, and it was dangerously close to her heart. He tore her leotard down the middle so he could see where the bullet had entered. He saw a hole the size of a penny right over where her heart was. Blood was pouring from it and he quickly ripped her cloak, bunched it up, and placed it over the wound. He held it on as tightly as he could and screamed for help. And then he watched as Ravens eyes slowly rolled up and she slipped into unconsciousness.

Starfire was the one who brought Raven in, since she could make the trip to the hospital the fastest. She was taken directly into the operating room so that they could try and save her. She had lost a lot of blood, which was evident since both Starfire and Beast Boy had her blood on their hands and uniforms.

Tick… tick… tick… Robin paced back and forth with his arms around his back, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. Starfire had spent three hours weeping and was now passed out on the other end of the couch Beast Boy was sitting on. Cyborg was leaning up against the wall, his arms crossed in front of him, a look of nothing but concern upon his face. Five hours. Tick… tick… tick…

The door to the waiting room slowly opened and a doctor stepped on through. He slowly took his face mask off and let it hang around his neck. He was an older man, an experienced doctor. It was evident that he had seen many patients from the depth and wisdom his sky blue eyes held. He had a salt and pepper mustache and he seemed to have no hair on his head, but it was hard to tell since he was still wearing a head covering.

As he walked on through all the Titans seemed quite alerted and the air turned from nervous to anxious with a hint of hope and a feeling of dread. He gave them a kind smile and walked over to all five.

"The Titans, I assume," said the doctor kindly. "I'm Dr. Daniels."

Starfire sat up and held her hands with anticipation and worry. "Please, how is Raven?" she pleaded.

"She's stable, but in critical condition," said Dr. Daniels.

"So, she's alive?" said Beast Boy.

"For now, yes," said Dr. Daniels. "The bullet entered her heart and lodged into the back of her ribcage. If it had passed straight through she most likely wouldn't have made it to the hospital. But, we've removed it and done our best to repair her heart, but she lost a lot of blood."

"Can we see her?" asked Robin.

"She's just coming out of surgery, but I'll take you to her room and you can wait for her there," said Dr. Daniels.

He took them to the room she was to be placed in and left them. She would have her own room, as was requested by the Titans, and they would have unlimited visiting hours. Robin had made all of the arrangements as soon as they had arrived, even though none of them knew if she was going to survive.

Slowly her bed was wheeled into the room and the four Titans watched silently. She was hooked up to what seemed like hundreds of different wires and tubes and sensors. She couldn't even breathe on her own and the large tube sticking out of her mouth was quite disturbing to them. This did not look like their Raven.

Cyborg programmed his arm to keep track of her vitals as well, so he would know what was going on. At the moment, her breathing was normal and her brain activity looked good, but her heartbeat was weak.

"Why is she not healing herself?" asked Starfire, her eyes streaming with tears.

"I don't know, Star," said Robin, putting his arm around her comfortingly.

"Maybe her healing abilities can only go so far," suggested Cyborg. "Or she may be too weak to even heal herself at all. We'll just have to wait and see."

"And hope," added Beast Boy. He got closer to her and gently moved her violet locks from her face. He tucked them behind her ears and felt how cool her skin seemed to feel. He could feel his throat ripping and tears invading his eyes. "Excuse me," he said in a crying voice and quickly made his way out of the room.

Once he made it to the hallway the tears poured from his eyes. He didn't know what to do. He paced back and forth aimlessly and finally leaned into a wall, crying and pounding upon it out of pure frustration and distress. This was supposed to be the day. This was going to be the day he told her everything he had been keeping safe and hidden within his heart. He was going to tell her that he was in love with her. He didn't even care if she felt likewise or not, he just wanted her to know.

He slowly crumpled to the floor and sat with his with his knees up and his head down, covered by his hands. She probably wouldn't even survive the night. How could she? She had been shot in the heart! He had just stood there and allowed Johnny Rancid to shoot her. Why couldn't he have reacted quicker? Why couldn't he have held onto him tighter when they were in the air? Why was she the one who had to have been hit? Why couldn't it have been him?

The door to Ravens room opened and Cyborg walked out. He saw the poor guy huddled within himself, sitting on the cold tiles floor of the hospital. Beast Boy knew he was there, but he couldn't look up to see him. Nothing that could be said could make him feel better.

"Hey man," said Cyborg softly. "How're ya holdin up?"

"How does it look like I'm holding up?" he asked back, angrily.

"She's still alive, B," said Cyborg. "That, alone, is a miracle."

"But for how long?" asked Beast Boy, finally looking up with his tearful eyes. "She may crash at any moment."

"I'm not gonna say that she's outa the woods," said Cyborg. "But she's not as bad as she could be. Even though her heart's weak, everything else is doing fine. I've done my own analysis and she has a good chance of surviving."

"Yeah, but she has an equally good chance of dying in the next fifteen minutes," said Beast Boy bitterly and he buried his face back into his arms.

Cyborg took a seat next to his best friend and sighed. "Why are you thinking of only the negative?" he asked. "You're always so optimistic, no matter what. Now your friend and teammate is close to death and you're not being supportive at all."

Beast Boy wiped his eyes and tried to take in a few deep breaths. It was hard for him to stop sobbing, but he was trying his best. "It's not that I'm not being supportive," he said. "I just… I can't believe this happened. Why did he have to shoot her? Why _her_? Why couldn't he have shot me?"

"Now, don't ya go blamin yourself," warned Cyborg. "This was Rancid's fault, no one else's."

Beast Boy just shook his head and buried it into his palms. "Why? Why couldn't I have told her sooner?" he asked himself. "Why did I have to wait until today? Why couldn't I have told her yesterday? Why did I have to stall for so long?"

"What're ya talkin about?" asked Cyborg. "What do ya have to tell her?"

"That I'm in love with her," said Beast Boy, breaking down again.

Cyborg had had some suspicion that Beast Boy had liked Raven, so had Robin and Starfire. But none of them knew that he was in love with her. That made this whole situation completely different. Now he knew why he was so upset.

"Awe, man, don't worry," said Cyborg, wrapping his arm around his little buddy, who wasn't exactly little but he was still small next to the robotic man. "She's gonna make it."

Beast Boy continued to cry and Cyborg tried to console him. It didn't matter what Cyborg said, nothing was sure. Beast Boy didn't want to lose her; he was so sick of losing the most important people in his life. He just couldn't lose her. Not yet. Not before he could tell her.

Night had fallen and all four were exhausted. They knew that there was nothing they could do to help her, just wait, so they decided to leave. All but Beast Boy who said that there was no way he would be leaving her. He wanted to be with her, just incase she didn't make it through the night. That way, he could at least now he was with her until the end and she didn't die all alone.

One of the nurses brought him a nice chair from the doctors' lounge so he could be comfortable. He sat right next to her bed and held her hand. His eyes would go from her pale, sleeping face to the monitors then back to her face. If anything changed in the slightest way he was ready to run to get some help.

And there he stayed day after day after day. And day after day after day Ravens heart continued to beat and she continued to live. The others came by frequently to check up on both Raven and Beast Boy, but they still had to keep the city safe. Cyborg talked to Robin and after he had heard about Beast Boy's situation, he put him off duty, so he wouldn't have to leave Raven.

Finally, on the fifth day her eyes began to flutter and open. She stared up at the ceiling, a plain white tiled ceiling. Confusion overtook her as wakefulness consumed her. She became aware of the large tube down her throat and noticed how it basically breathed for her. She didn't like it there and felt like she could breathe on her own.

Slowly she turned her eyes and saw a menagerie of machines, each making a noise and each portraying a different reading. She also became aware of the various IVs and sensors stuck in and on her. She felt a horrible pain in her chest region and wondered why that would be.

She moved her eyes once more to the other side of her and saw something very odd. Beast Boy was sitting in a chair next to her, but his upper body was lying on her bed, partially on her, and he was holding her hand.

'What is he doing?' she asked herself. 'And why am I in a hospital? This doesn't look like the tower's med bay. I want this thing out of my throat so I can breathe. I want this pain in my chest to go away. I need to move, I need to let them know I'm here.'

She tried to move her arm, but she found that it felt very heavy and she very weak. She tried a couple times, but realized that it was a futile attempt. She tried to make a noise, but her throat was blocked and no sound could come. She was really getting frustrated now. Then she remembered that Beast Boy was holding her hand. She summoned up all of her strength and squeezed it over and over.

Beast Boy had been plagued by bad dreams every night, or rather every time he managed to sleep. He would dream that Raven would crash and the doctor's would be unable to revive her. He would dream the scene with Johnny Rancid all over again and watch as Raven was shot. He would dream that she would awake, but she wouldn't be herself. She would be brain dead and unresponsive to him.

Slowly wakefulness came to him and he opened his eyes. He was still slumped over Raven and his back now ached because of it. He slowly sat up and stretched, which meant he took his hand away from her. She carefully watched him and hoped that he would look at her, so that they could make eye contact.

As he woke himself up she got a good look at him. He had circles under his eyes and he looked like he needed to shave. His hair was askew and he looked quite disheveled. Now she was quite confused as to how long she had been in the hospital and what had caused her to end up there in the first place.

Beast Boy sighed and sat back in his chair, rubbing his eyes. Oh lord, how he was tired. He longed for a decent meal, a decent night's sleep, and a decent shower. But, he would sacrifice all of those luxuries to stay by her side, no matter how long. He placed his hands down on his lap, after rubbing all of the sleep out of him, and looked over to raven.

It's funny how what one sees can sometimes take minutes to register. How something that's importance is beyond anything else in the world can go past you undetected. Beast Boy looked to Raven and his eyes passed right over hers. He then went to take her hand again, but he froze where he was. She watched as his breathing increased and he was even shaking a little. Slowly he raised his eyes to her again, and he saw her.

"Raven?" he whispered, shocked.

She raised her eyebrows as if to say, "Yes?"

"Oh my God, you're awake!" he said, not knowing what to do. He quickly wrapped his arms around her body and hugged her the best that he could. He felt tears pour from his eyes, and for the first time in five days they were not out of despair. "I was so scared, I thought you were gonna die."

Raven felt very awkward with Beast Boy giving her a hug as she lay there in bed. She could hear the tears in his voice and this made her feel even more… odd. He was crying? She must have been close to death. She slowly lifted her weak hand and placed it on his head, not knowing what else to do.

He quickly looked up and smiled at her. Never had he felt such relief and happiness. Her eyes were open and she was awake and aware of what was going around her. She wasn't dead, she was very much alive! And that was all the opening he needed.

He let go of the hold he had on her and moved so he was closer to her head. "I'm so glad you're alive," he said, the remnants of his tears still shining on his green cheeks. "We never got to finish our conversation that day."

'That day?' thought Raven. "What day is this?"

"Before we got called out, we were talking in the hall, remember?" he asked.

Raven weakly nodded. 'I think I do,' she thought.

"Well, there was something I was gonna tell you," he said, softly taking her cheek. He was, in no way, nervous about what he was about to reveal to her. "You see, I…"

"RAVEN!" a high pitched shriek tore through the air.

Beast Boy's eyes nearly bugged out of his head and the hairs on his neck stood on end from this sudden shriek. Raven gave a similar reaction. He quickly turned and saw his three remaining friends burst into the room. He sure hoped that Starfire had made that screech and not Robin or Cyborg, although that would've been funny.


	3. A New Life

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 3

The Titans explained to Raven what had happened five days earlier. They told her how Johnny Rancid had shot her in the heart and how she had nearly died. They told her that Beast Boy stayed with her the whole time and hadn't been to the tower since the incident. It all seemed too much for her to take in, but she didn't exactly have a choice.

They removed her tracheal tube and she was allowed to breathe on her own once more. She couldn't believe five days had passed. Five days of her life were missing, forever. At first, she could not believe them. Then she felt how itchy her head felt from not being washed and how sticky she felt from the build up of sweat from the past five days.

Her biggest shock, though, was when she saw the mass of gauze and bandages nestled in the middle of her chest. That was where the pain was coming from. Her chest had been cut open and fiddled around with. Now the pain from the natural bruising and the stitches was starting to overwhelm her. Thank goodness for morphine.

"So, when can I go home?" asked Raven. It had been two weeks since she had been shot and she was itching to get out of there. She had forced Beast Boy to go home, telling him that she was fine now. He became very stubborn so she summoned Robin and Cyborg to drag him out.

"Not for a long time," said Robin. "You're still not strong enough to leave the hospital."

"But I hate it here," said Raven. "Everything about it is so… uncomfortable."

"I know, but we hafta do what's best for your health," said Cyborg.

"Yes, we must keep your heart from becoming sicker," said Starfire.

"Can't we just transfer her to the med bay in the tower?" asked Beast Boy, who agreed with Raven. The hospital was, without a doubt, very uncomfortable. "I mean, we've got all of the supplies and equipment. We can hire a few nurses to stay with us until she's better."

"Maybe next week," said Robin. "But, for right now, it's best to leave her where she is."

"I'm right here," said Raven. "You don't have to talk about my like I'm still in a coma."

"Sorry," said Robin. "Anyway, we better leave so you can get some more rest."

"I don't want to rest," whined Raven.

"Then why don't ya heal yourself and get outa here sooner?" asked Cyborg.

Raven sighed and said, "I can't."

"Why not?" asked Beast Boy.

"Yes, we are all quite curious as to why you have not helped the doctors by healing yourself," said Starfire.

"My healing abilities are… complicated," said Raven. "I can heal most injuries I sustain, but there are a few parts of myself that I can not touch. My brain and my heart."

"Why not those?" asked Robin.

"Yeah, those are the most important parts of your body," said Cyborg.

"It's simple," said Raven. "My powers came from my father, and with the powers came the control he held over me. And he was in charge of my brain and my heart, for he had to keep me alive long enough to fulfill the prophecy. But, when I defeated him, the power he had over my brain and my heart left. Unfortunately, my healing powers still don't touch them, even though he no longer owns them. That's why I can not heal my heart."

"Then you're going to have to wait for it to heal naturally," said Robin.

"Though, it's never gonna be as strong as it was," said Cyborg.

"I know," said Raven softly, nodding her head. "Maybe you should go now, I'm feeling tired."

"Alright, call us if you need anything and if not we'll come see you tonight," said Robin.

"Sounds good," said Raven and she moved her bed so that she was lying down rather than sitting up. She closed her eyes and settled in for a good nap. She hated feeling so weak and tired, but it was better than being in pain. She always felt odd when she tried to sleep. She could hear her heart beating and she was reminded that it was damaged.

Later that day a nurse came in to change the dressing on her chest. She was usually asleep when they did this, since she was usually resting anyway, and she had never seen the actual stitching beneath the gauze.

As soon as the nurse took the dressing away Raven got a good look at her chest. And she did not like what she saw. She even gave a small gasp at the sight of it. A seven inch slice had been made right between her breasts. And less than a centimeter away from the scar laid the wound from where the bullet had entered her. The scars would be hideous and she knew she only had another reason to keep herself concealed at all times.

Once the new dressing was applied she was left alone. But she did not rest. She simply sat there in bed, staring off aimlessly, thinking. As she sat there, her right hand rubbed the dressing of her chest up and down gingerly, remembering the smoldering scar that lay beneath it. Her life had been changed forever.

How she longed to stand up and walk around, to leave that blasted hospital. She was always cold and she always felt like watchful eyes were following her every movement. She wanted to go back home, to the Titans Tower. She wanted to sleep in her own bed, and, most importantly, she wanted to sleep on her side or on her stomach, which was what she was most comfortable with. Sleeping on her back made her feel stiff, and that was all she was allowed to do what with the injury being right smack dab in the middle of her chest.

She began to grow very quiet, or, quieter. The Titans noticed right away that she was saying very little now and preferred to be left alone with her thoughts. She had a look of depression on her face and a deep sadness within her. This concerned her friends very much. Beast Boy volunteered to try and talk to her to find out what was wrong.

"Raven, are you okay?" asked Beast Boy.

"Yes," she said simply, looking out the window.

"You don't seem okay," said Beast Boy, shaking his head. "You've been really sad lately and I want you to know that I'm here if you wanna talk."

"I don't want to talk," said Raven.

"Well, maybe you don't want to, but talking will make you feel better," said Beast Boy. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong, Beast Boy," she said, finally turning to face him. "You don't have to worry. I just feel tired a lot and talking takes a lot out of me." She had a small, fake smile on her face, trying to convince him that his natural instincts were wrong.

"It's more than that," said Beast Boy, not buying the bluff. "Please, you can tell me anything. And I won't tell the others if you don't want me to."

"I told you, I'm fine," said Raven, looking back towards the window. "I'm just… adjusting."

"Adjusting?" he asked, happy that he had made some progress. "To what?"

"To this new life I'm going to have to live," sighed Raven.

"What new life?" asked Beast Boy. "You won't be in the hospital forever, you know. Soon enough you'll be back at the tower and we can all get back to our normal lives. We can forget that this horrible thing ever happened."

"My normal life, which was never normal to begin with, can never be as it was," said Raven. "I'm different now, changed forever. And, therefore, all of our lives have been changed forever. I'm just going to hate being a burden to the team." She looked down at her sheets sadly.

"Burden?" he asked. "You could never be a burden. Look, I know you're still probably having trouble coming to terms with what happened, but once you're home you'll see that everything's okay. Everything is gonna go back to the way it was."

"You don't understand, Beast Boy," Raven sighed. "Nothing is going to be the way it was. You need to accept that."

"Come on, Raven, don't talk like that," said Beast Boy. "Yes, what happened changed our lives forever, but it doesn't have to disrupt our way of life. You have to just think that no matter what happens you'll overcome it. That no matter what happens you won't change."

"It's not that simple," said Raven. "And you will never understand what has happened to me. Now, please leave, I need to sleep." And with that she pulled her sheets up to her chin and closer her eyes, facing away from him.

"Okay, I'll go," said Beast Boy. "But if you want to talk please call me first."

She made no movement to indicate that she had heard him, but he figured she must have. He sighed and left. He didn't like the way she was acting. Sure, he was used to her being quiet and refusing to talk to him. He was used to her hiding facts about herself for the team's safety. He was even used to her not responding to anything he said to her. But he was not used to this depressed air that came with all of this. She was sad and Raven was usually never sad. Angry, annoyed, amused, but never sad or depressed.

As he walked out to his car, the B-car, as it was called, he remembered how close he had come to telling her. Twice now he had nearly revealed his love but was interrupted. And now wasn't the time. He knew that if he told her that he loved her, she would think he was just pitying her or something. And that's not what he wanted at all. He could wait. He had already waited all of this time, it wouldn't kill him to wait a little longer.

She had been in the hospital for a month and now she could finally go home. She refused to stay in the med bay, since it was too much like the hospital. She gave them permission to set up everything she would need in her room. At this point she didn't care if they saw the insides of her room. As long as she went home and slept in her own bed, she would be happy. Or as happy as she could be.

She was still too weak to walk very far, so she had to be moved around in a wheelchair. She felt very helpless as the nurse pushed her down the halls of the hospital, with her friends acting like bodyguards. She could feel everyone staring at her and she focused on the passing white tiles on the floor.

Upon reaching the T-car she knew she would have to be lifted and placed into her seat. What she didn't know was that Beast Boy was the one who was going to do it. She had figured Cyborg, since he was the strongest, but as they reached the car Beast Boy slipped his arms under and around her and lifted her from the chair. Of course, she could have yelled and objected, but, again, she just wanted to go home and she really didn't care anymore.

Once they reached the tower Beast Boy, again, carried her in and to her room. Everything had been set up, so it looked like any hospital room now. Only, a little darker. He lay her down in her bed and she let out a happy sigh.

"Happy to be home?" he asked with a smile.

"You have no idea," said Raven, snuggling into her favorite pillow.

"I'm happy you're home," said Beast Boy. "The tower's felt so empty without you here."

"Why?" asked Raven. "It's not like I make myself known when I'm here, unlike you."

"You may not know it, but you have quite a presence," said Beast Boy. "And when you're not around, we all notice."

"That's nice to know," said Raven, closing her eyes.

Beast Boy watched as she seemed to melt into her bed. She had a small smile on her usually frozen lips and he knew she was happy. For the first time in a month, she was happy.

"Do you need anything?" he asked softly.

"Not right now," she said. "I just want to sleep in my own bed for a little while."

"Okay, but if you do need anything just pull this," said Beast Boy, indicating to a cord that was hanging over Raven.

"And what is that?" asked Raven.

"It's like a paging system," said Beast Boy with a grin. "See, when you pull it it'll make a dinging sound that we can hear anywhere in the tower. Do you wanna try it out?"

"That's okay," said Raven. "I know if I touch it everyone will come running in here asking what's wrong, and I just want to be alone right now."

"Oh, okay," said Beast Boy. "I'll, uh, see ya later then." He gave her one last smile and then left her be. He could understand her wanting to be alone in her room after being under surveillance every moment of every day for a month.

And he was so relieved that she was happy. She had been going through this low period and to see her actually smiling brightened his day completely. He knew she would see that he was right soon. That everything was going to be the way it was before she was shot. Their lives could go on. And he could finally tell her what he had been longing to tell her.

"How is she?" asked Robin.

"She's happy to be home," said Beast Boy with a smile.

"Did ya show her the cord?" asked Cyborg.

"Yeah, though I don't think she'll use it," said Beast Boy.

"Perhaps I shall go see if she would like anything now," said Starfire.

"No, she just wants to sleep," said Beast Boy. "She's just happy to be in her own bed."

"It's so nice to finally have her home," said Cyborg. "I gotta admit, I was worried for a while there."

"We all were," said Robin. "But I think she's going to be okay."

"Oh yeah," said Beast Boy, confidently. "She's gonna be fine. You just wait, soon she'll be meditating all the time and making sarcastic remarks like there's no tomorrow."

"Oh, I shall be so happy when she does!" said Starfire. "I miss her remarks of the sarcasm and her disinterest in everything we find most enjoyable."

"Yeah, that's our Raven," laughed Cyborg.

"So, when's she gonna be well enough to go out and fight again?" asked Beast Boy excitedly.

"Not for a while, Beast Boy," said Robin. "Once we're sure her heart is strong enough, we'll start her on some easy training exercises. If she does well enough we'll slowly increase the amount of difficulty. And if she is able to do fine without any complications, then she can come back and fight with us."

"But that'll take weeks!" said Beast Boy.

"Weeks?" said Cyborg. "B, it's gonna take months, if not a year or two."

"But she has to fight or she'll feel like things have changed," said Beast Boy.

"Things have changed, Beast Boy," said Starfire. "And we must make sure that Raven is healthy enough to do the fighting or she may get hurt."

"No, everything's gonna go back to the way it was," said Beast Boy, stubbornly.

"We didn't say it wasn't," said Cyborg. "But it's gonna take a long time before we get back to the way things were. You gotta be patient."

Beast Boy sighed and said, "Yeah, I know." He just didn't want to. He was sick of all the waiting he had to do all of the time. Time was his enemy, usually. It took too long to pass and once it had everything he loved had changed. He wanted to stop time and keep everything the way it was. But, unfortunately, he did not have that sort of ability.


	4. Weakened

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 4

It felt so nice to shower; to stand up and be on your own to wash and cleanse your body. The hot water massaged her and washing away that horrible hospital smell. No longer did she need to wear a bandage over her chest, it had healed. As she stood there, water cascading down her body, she felt her scars. How she wished her healing powers were able to remove scars. But, they couldn't. Her powers helped her to heal. And that was what a scar was, it was healed over skin.

Most of her chest was numb from the nerve damage the doctors had made when they went in. They told her that the feeling should come back, but it would take a very long time. Everything was going to take a very long time.

She slowly followed the seven inch scar with her finger. It was still slightly swollen and little stitching holes could be seen on either side of it. She then placed her finger on the bullet scar. It felt odd to touch it, since the area was completely numb. She closed her eyes and for a moment she imagined that this wasn't her body, that these scars belonged to some other pour soul.

She took her time and when her showering hunger had been satisfied she went to her room to change. She took out a fresh leotard and smiled as she felt the material between her fingers. She hadn't worn her uniform in so long. She slipped it on and just the feel of it made her feel like maybe her life could go back to the way it was before this all happened. Maybe Beast Boy, for the first time in his life, was right.

She went out to the common room to make herself some tea. She hadn't done anything for herself in a month and just knowing she could be independent for a moment made her feel more positive. Sure, she could go sit in her bed and pull the paging cord and have someone else do it, but she wanted to be herself again. She wanted to take care of herself.

She had been home for a week now and they hadn't even let her lift a finger. Cyborg was constantly checking up on her vitals and making sure her heart was doing well. She was becoming stronger, but that didn't mean her friends worried any less. Robin went over her training for when she was strong a dozen times to make sure she knew exactly what to expect. Starfire would barge in and force her into 'girl time', which was worse than being in the hospital.

Beast Boy was different, though. She had expected him to try to cheer her up with a few bad jokes and try to talk her into playing some videogames. That was what he always did when he was upset or felt bad for someone. But he always asked if he could spend time with her, he didn't just barge in. And he only wanted to talk to her, and only if she wanted to. Sometimes he would push her, but it was the fact that he only wanted to chat was what made Raven look at him differently.

Currently her friends were out taking care of a robbery. She had heard the alarm go off and Beast Boy had filled her in before they left. He always told her what was going on, which she was very appreciative of. She hated being in the dark about anything. Even in the hospital he would come in right after a battle, still sweaty and bruised, to tell her all about it. He wanted her to feel normal, and she was more thankful for that alone than anything else.

It was the fact that they were gone that energized her. She knew that as long as they weren't around she could get up and do whatever she wanted. Her first stop was the shower and now the tea. In a way she hoped they wouldn't be back soon, but of course she didn't wish for them to have a difficult mission. She just hoped that they would take care of the robbery and go for pizza or something. Leave her be for an hour at least.

She sat on the couch and sipped her tea in pure bliss. It was a nice day out and she happily stared out of the large windows of the tower watched the clouds float by. Silence surrounded her and she soaked it in. It had been so long since she had nothing but silence around her. Even when she tried to go to sleep at night the sound of her heart monitors constant beeping echoed in her ears.

She suddenly felt rather dizzy and faint. She nearly fell over, but it faded away. She found this odd, but she shrugged it off. She decided to be daring and try to catch up on her meditation. Her friend didn't know that that was the reason she felt so weak all of the time. It really had nothing to do with her heart. All of her energy was going into keeping her emotions under control. They must have forgotten that if she really was upset something would have exploded by now.

She crossed her legs and slowly levitated into the air. Just the feel of being airborne sent pleasant shivers down her spine. She closed her eyes and began to recite her mantra. "Azerath… metrion… zynthos…" she said softly. She repeated her three words over and over, feeling everything melt away. All of her cares and worries were fading away as she become one with herself.

Hours passed and finally her teammates, scratched up and tired, returned. At first they didn't notice Raven levitating there, nor did she notice them. She was too deep in concentration to even hear Beast Boy's groaning as they all entered. Starfire was the one who noticed her.

"Raven, you are up!" she exclaimed.

Ravens mind seemed to be shattered and she gasped, collapsing back down onto the couch. Her heart was racing and she suddenly felt a horrible pain surrounding it. She grabbed her chest and winced as the sharp pain stabbed at her. She slowly breathed in and out and waited for her heart to calm down. The pain began to fade away.

"What are you doing out of bed?" asked Robin.

"I'm not sick, I'm just slightly weak," said Raven in an unhappy voice. "And you can't expect me to get strong if you don't allow me out of my room."

"You okay?" asked Cyborg, concerned. "You're lookin a little flushed."

"Well I was in deep meditation until someone broke it," she said, looking at Starfire.

"I am sorry," said Starfire. "I was just… stunned to see you out here."

"It's okay," said Raven, slowly standing up. "Just don't sneak up on me, any of you. My emotions are barely being controlled and if you startle me I could blow something up." 'And my heart may kill me,' she thought.

"Well, now that you're up, we'll keep that in mind," said Robin.

"So when am I going to be allowed out of the tower?" asked Raven.

"Out of the tower?" asked Beast Boy, nervously. "Like… outside?"

"What's your definition of out of the tower?" asked Raven.

"Well, I guess you can go out if you want," said Robin. "But I would really feel better if at least one of us went with you. Just in case something happens. Does that sound fair?"

"As long as I get to get out of here, yes," said Raven. "Who wants to go out with me then? I just want to go to a café to read."

"Oh, I shall go!" said Starfire, excitedly.

"No, I'll go with her," said Beast Boy.

"I don't need two of you," said Raven.

Starfire and Beast Boy now were in a stare down to see who was going with Raven. Robin nudged Starfire and she remembered that Beast Boy was in love with Raven.

"Oh, uh, I can not go," said Starfire.

"Why not?" asked Raven.

"Because I, uh, must… must give Silkie a bath!" she said, proud to think of a reason. "Yes, that is it, it is bath time for Silkie."

"Uh… okay," said Raven. "Let's go, Beast Boy."

"Just let me change into a fresh uniform and I'll be right back," he said with a large smile and bolted out of the room.

"Aren't ya a little worried about spendin time with Beast Boy?" asked Cyborg, curious to hear her response.

"Not really," said Raven. "He's been oddly tame around me. I think my being shot really scared him. In fact, I think he may have a little PTSD."

"Please, what is the PTSD?" asked Starfire.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder," said Robin. "And I don't think he has that."

"Well I think he does," said Raven. "He hasn't been himself lately and it worries me."

"Don't worry, he's just tame around you," said Cyborg with a smile. "He's the same old grass stain when he's with us."

"Alright, I'm ready!" Beast Boy announced as he sprinted back into the room.

"Good, let's go," said Raven and with that the two left.

"Cyborg, you have done the lying to Raven," Starfire scolded. "Beast Boy has not been his usual self."

"I know, but that's because he's in love with her," said Cyborg. "And he hasn't told her yet, so we have to pretend that nothin's going on."

"When the hell is he going to tell her?" asked Robin. "She nearly died and he still hasn't said anything."

"He said he's waitin for the right moment," said Cyborg.

"Why does a moment matter?" asked Starfire. "The moment he proclaims his love to her shall be the right moment. So it shall not come until he says it."

"Hey, he said he's got it all under control," said Cyborg. "So let's just keep out of it. We don't even know how she'll react when she finds out."

"Should she not be happy?" asked Starfire.

"She should be, but you know her and Beast Boy have never had the smoothest of friendships," said Robin. "That's why she's freaked out right now, because she can actually tolerate him. Who knows what'll happen when she finds out he's in love with her."

Raven took a seat down at her favorite table in the café. It felt so good to be out in public again, not in a closed in room. She was, however, getting rather tired of strangers walking up to her to say how glad they were that she was okay. Until then, she hadn't even been aware that anyone outside of the Titans knew about what happened.

"Are you kidding?" Beast Boy chuckled. "You made the front page of the newspaper three days in a row!"

"Please tell me you're not serious," said Raven.

"Wish I could," said Beast Boy, shrugging.

"What pictures did they use?" asked Raven. "Not of me unconscious in bed, I hope."

"No, of course not," said Beast Boy. "Actually, I saved them so you can see them when we go back home. And I taped every special report they did on you on the news."

"I never knew I was such a celebrity," said Raven, sipping the tea that had just been served to her.

"Celebrity nothing!" said Beast Boy. "Everyone thinks you're a hero."

"A hero?" asked Raven. "I didn't do anything heroic, I was shot."

"Yeah, but you were shot in the line of duty," said Beast Boy. "Therefore, everything thinks you're a hero."

"Well that's just ridiculous," said Raven plainly.

"Well we have thousands of get well cards and flowers and teddy bears that say otherwise," said Beast Boy with a grin.

"And just where is all of this?" asked Raven.

"Well, we donated the stuffed animals to the children's wing and the flowers went to all of the new mothers in the maternity ward," said Beast Boy. "The cards are in six boxes in the storage closet. So you can go through them when you want."

"I'll have a look tonight, I suppose," said Raven, sipping her tea and opening her book.

Beast Boy smiled and took a sip of his hot chocolate. Raven began to read and he knew he had to find something to do. He looked around and saw that the café had a small library. He went over and scanned through it. After about ten minutes of looking through a selection of twenty books, he chose one.

"What did you chose?" asked Raven, not looking up from her book.

"I'm not exactly sure," said Beast Boy. "But it's got a lion drawn on the cover."

"That one has to do with medieval times," said Raven, slightly chuckling. "It may be a little… advanced for you. Not to mention it's basically a love story."

"Oh, so you've read it," he said.

"How else would I know what it was about?" asked Raven.

"I didn't know you read mushy books," said Beast Boy, smirking.

"I read all sorts of books," she said simply. "In fact, I've read all of the books in this café. That's why I have to bring my own now."

"Well, if you've read them all, can you tell me which one I should read?" asked Beast Boy.

"You _should_ read all of them," said Raven. "Reading will expand your mind."

"My mind is plenty expanded, thank you," said Beast Boy smiling.

"Oh yes, how silly of me, of course it is," she said sarcastically and turned a page in her book.

He smiled and watched her silently for a few seconds. She was so beautiful and so smart. He could stare at her for hours, even if she was only reading. He could see her absorbing all of the information she read, increasing her intelligence with every word within every sentence. In a way, he felt inadequate to her. And, in a way, he knew he was. He would never be as sharp and brilliant as her, even if he started reading three books every day for the rest of his life.

"You know, you have to open your book in order to read it," said Raven. "I would hope you wouldn't need instructions on how to work a book."

"Oh, yeah," he said. He opened it up and began to thumb through it. About three pages in he knew she was right. It was definitely too advanced for him. He put it back on the bookshelf and looked around for something else.

After a while he gave up and decided to just people watch while Raven read. Though that wasn't very entertaining since everyone was just sitting and drinking their expensive caffeine filled drinks. The truth was that he was just pretending to watch the people around him. He continued to watch Raven in all her silent glory.

'Soon,' he thought. 'I'll tell her soon. I can tell that the perfect moment is coming. What is she gonna say when I tell her? Probably nothing. She'll probably just stand there in shock and then hit me with something. He he, she's so predictable sometimes. But, maybe deep down inside, she likes me too. Yeah, I know, it's a long shot, but for now it's all I've got. But I've got to tell her soon. Before anything else bad happens. Before I regret not telling her when I had the chance. Soon. I'll tell her soon.'

Nearly an hour had passed and Raven was reading quite peacefully when she felt that dizziness return. She didn't want to draw attention to herself, but she had to grab the table to keep her self from falling over. Luckily, Beast Boy was absorbed in watching a mother give her three year old a coffee because she wouldn't stop crying. Raven took a few deep breaths and felt the weakness and dizziness fade away.

"Well, I'm ready to go home now," she said.

"You sure?" asked Beast Boy.

"Yeah, I'm tired," said Raven. "And I have all of those lovely get well cards to go through."

Beast Boy chuckled and stood up. Raven did the same as he and picked her book up. As she did the bookmark fell out and floated to the floor. Raven sighed and bent down to get it.

"I'll get it," said Beast Boy, bending down to grab the bookmark.

They both reached it at the same time and their hands, for the briefest of moments, touched. Beast Boy felt a spark shoot through his body and he slightly shivered. Raven felt her heart race and with that came a sharp pain. She let go of the bookmark and winced.

"You okay?" he asked, seeing the sudden change in her.

She was quiet for a moment and then said, "Yeah, I'm fine." She slowly stood up and took a few deep breaths in. Beast Boy slowly stood up and handed her the bookmark. She quietly took it and tucked it into her book.

"Thanks," she said, not looking at him.

"No problem," said Beast Boy with a small smile.

And with that they headed back to the tower. Beast Boy couldn't help smiling as they walked to the car. They had had a moment, even if it was only for three seconds. It had happened and if he felt something, does that mean she felt it too? Raven was not as happy as he drove her back to the tower. The pain in her chest had gone away, but it only reminded her that she was still weak. And she knew that the dizziness and weakness must have been from her heart as well. But she didn't want to think about.


	5. Pushing Past the Pain

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 5

The aching in her chest was nearly unbearable, but she put up with it. She was good at covering what she was feeling, whether it was emotionally or physically. She could only take in short, quick breaths when the pain came and only when it began to fade was she able to breathe normally again. She wanted to stop, to take a rest and admit that she was weak, her heart was damaged. But she couldn't. She had to prove that she was still Raven. She was strong and nothing could ever keep her down.

It was week ten in her training and if she completed the following test she would be allowed to go out and fight again. That's all she wanted, to know that her friends trusted her enough to let her risk her life again. She would put up with the pain until she got that. Besides, it only hurt when her heart accelerated.

"Okay, Raven, this is it," said Robin from the control center. He, along with the other three Titans, were watching her. "Are you ready?"

"Yes," said Raven confidently.

"Alright, here we go," he said and started it up.

They all watched as she dashed and swerved as various items came lying at her. She grabbed all of those items with her powers and flung them into the machines that were shooting at her. As she fought off multiple laser shooting guns she kept herself calm and centered. She had done bits and pieces of this last test numerous times, so she basically knew what to expect. She also knew they were watching and now perfection was absolutely necessary.

She was so close to being finished and her heart was doing well; nothing too intense. She was sure the end was near her victory was in sight. She continued on and on, taking on everything that came her way. She wasn't sure how much longer it was going to last, but it didn't matter. She could handle this.

But it was the ending siren that took her by complete surprise. It meant that Robin had pushed the emergency stop button. The room flashed red and the loud siren rang through the room so loud that Raven let out a scream. It stopped and the machines retracted and hid back in their places. The test was over.

Raven slowly landed on the ground, clutching her heart. Her chest felt tight and she could barely breathe. But she had to suck it up, she knew they were coming. But the pain was so intense, so very intense. She had never experienced anything like it.

The doors to the training room slid open and her four teammates came in, all smiling. She quickly straightened up and let go of her chest.

"Raven, you did most wonderful!" said Starfire, clapping.

"You kicked the trainin room's ass!" laughed Cyborg.

"Great job," said Robin. "I think you're ready to go back on the battle field."

"Good," said Raven. She wanted to say more, to appear that nothing was wrong, but it took all of her power to say that simple word.

"I knew you could do it," said Beast Boy smiling widely.

"Thanks," she said. "I… I need to go to my room. I have to meditate." And before they could object she melted through the floor and teleported to her room.

She appeared in her room and fell to the floor. She held her chest and took in those painful, short breaths. Tears welled up in her eyes and she gritted her teeth. She cursed that damn siren. She cursed it to bloody hell! Everything had been going just as she planned. Now she couldn't breath and her heart was in agony. She considered calling for help, but it wouldn't have mattered. She wouldn't have been able to yell if she wanted to.

She felt the tears fall from her eyes to her floor and she concentrated on them, trying to get her mind off of the pain. Finally it began to fade and she was able to start breathing again. The grip on her chest loosened and she placed her hand on the floor, trying to keep herself up.

A round of knocks painted her doors and echoed into her room. This did startle her for a second and her heart gave one last jump of pain, then faded away. She sighed and said, "Yes?"

"Raven? Are you okay?" asked Beast Boy from the other side of the door.

"I'm fine," she lied. "Why?"

"Well, you kinda left the training room abruptly," said Beast Boy. "And you looked a little… flustered."

"I'm just a little tired from the test," said Raven, crawling to her feet. She took a few big breaths in and opened her door to show Beast Boy that she was fine. "Just don't tell Robin or he'll think twice about letting me fight again."

"Yeah, I know," said Beast Boy. "We're just concerned about your health, that's all. But I won't tell him, I know how much you want to be back in the action."

Raven gave him a small smile and leaned against her doorframe, her legs still feeling weak. "Thank you," she said. "Well, I need to do some meditation. I'll see you later, okay?"

"Uh, yeah," said Beast Boy, smiling.

Raven gave him one last soft grin and slid her door shut. As soon as she did she felt her knees go out on her again and she fell to them. She leaned up against her door and closed her eyes. She placed her hand on her chest and felt her scars through the thin material of her leotard. She knew that if she pushed herself any harder her heart would go out on her, and then where would she be? She sighed and weakly made her way to her bed to meditate.

Beast Boy stood there for a moment, basking in the fact that he had gotten a few soft smiles out of Raven. But, as glad he was for that, he could feel that something was wrong. She could tell him she was fine all she wanted, but his primal instincts always told him the truth. He could sense the feelings and pains of others, much like Raven. Usually he could just ignore this sixth sense, but when it came to Raven he got a much stronger reading. He wasn't sure why that was.

He decided to go find his friends and tell them that Raven was alright, even though he knew he was probably telling a lie. He found them all back in the common room.

"Is she alright?" asked Cyborg.

"Yeah, she said she's just tired from the test," said Beast Boy.

"She did very well," said Robin. "I'm really surprised."

"Yes, perhaps we should have a party of celebration!" said Starfire excitedly. "To honor the return of Raven to the fighting of villains."

"Sounds like a good idea to me," said Robin with a smile.

"Yeah, I'll bake a cake!" said Cyborg excitedly and he ran to the kitchen.

"And I shall prepare some glork supreme!" said Starfire following Cyborg into the kitchen.

Now that Robin and Beast Boy alone, he figured they could talk. "Beast Boy, got a minute?" asked Robin.

"Uh, yeah," said Beast Boy. The two went over to the couch and sat down. "What's up?"

"Are you sure Raven's alright?" asked Robin.

"Why?" asked Beast Boy.

"Because Cyborg said that when I pushed the emergency stop button her heart accelerated dangerously," said Robin. "We didn't want to make a big deal about it since she appeared to be fine, but she seems to be able to cover what she's really feeling pretty well. So I'm just wondering if you saw anything peculiar."

"Uh… no," said Beast Boy, shaking his head.

"Are you sure?" asked Robin. "Because if you tell me I won't say anything to anyone else. I just need to know. I'm still going to put her back on duty, but if I know that she's still having some problems I can make sure we take most of the hard beating when we go out there."

"Well…" Beast Boy hesitated. "She said she was fine, but I could feel that maybe she wasn't. So I think it would be best if we did let her take it easy during the next few missions."

"Okay," said Robin, giving him a kind smile. "I'll tell Starfire and Cyborg that because Raven hasn't been fighting for a while we should take on as much as possible, so she doesn't have to. I won't say anything about her heart."

"Good," said Beast Boy, nodding. "I really don't want her to get hurt again. And… truthfully, if it were up to me, I wouldn't let her go back out there at all."

"What?" asked Robin. "But I thought you wanted everything to go back to the way it was."

"Well, I kinda do," said Beast Boy. "But lately, just every once in a while, I can feel that she's in some sort of pain. And I don't want her to be. It's so odd. I've been feeling really protective of her lately."

"Well, you love her," said Robin. "Which is still something you have to tell her. And when you love someone you want them to be safe."

"I know but it's kinda getting ridiculous," said Beast Boy. "It's to the point where every night I want to curl up outside of her door, just incase."

"Really?" asked Robin. "Well… that is kind of… extreme, but I'm sure once you see her in action you'll feel better. She can take care of herself."

"Yeah, I know," sighed Beast Boy. "It's just those damn animal instincts of mine. "I just have this natural urge to protect her."

"Well… that's not really a bad thing," said Robin. "I mean, as long as it doesn't get out of hand, I wouldn't be worried."

"Oh no, I'm not worried or anything," said Beast Boy. "It's just a new feeling, ya know? I just gotta get used to it."

"Okay," said Robin. "As long as you're sure. Well, I better help Star and Cyborg get ready for this party we're putting on." He gave Beast Boy a smile and headed over to the kitchen. Beast Boy decided to help out as well and quickly jumped up to see what their little party was going to need.

After meditating, Raven got to work writing thank you cards to all of the people who sent her get well cards and such. She opened a few and read them, but she found it was easier to read them then immediately write the thank you card so she wouldn't forget who she was writing to. She had nothing better to do and believed she owed it to them. She never thought she was a very popular hero, but it was quite clear that the public did like her and cared about her.

She heard a soft knock on her door and said, "Come in."

Her door slid open and Beast Boy was revealed. "Hey Raven," he said, walking in.

"Hello," she said simply.

"Whatcha up to?" he asked, going over to her.

"I'm writing back to all the people who sent me cards," sighed Raven.

"All of them?" he asked, shocked.

"Yes, of course," said Raven.

"Wow, you must have a lot of time on your hands," he chuckled. She stopped writing and gave him a look. "Oh yeah, right, you do."

"Is there a reason you're here?" asked Raven.

"Well, we're throwing you a small party that I thought you should know about," said Beast Boy.

"A party?" asked Raven. "Why?"

"Because you're back on duty!" said Beast Boy.

"That doesn't mean I need a party," said Raven.

"Don't worry, it won't be that big," said Beast Boy. "And we know how much you don't like surprise parties so that's why I'm telling you now. We're gonna have it in like a half an hour."

"And what exactly are we going to do at this party?" asked Raven as she continued to write.

"Just eat, watch a movie, Starfire mentioned something about a song of joy," said Beast Boy.

"You had me until the Starfire singing part," said Raven.

Beast Boy chuckled and said, "Yeah, I'll make sure to warn you so you can turn in for the night before she starts."

Raven smiled softly as she finished up another card and slid it into an addressed envelope. She licked the sticky part and then closed the envelope, placing it in her already done pile.

"3,374 down, only 1,849 to go," Raven sighed.

"I told you you had fans," said Beast Boy with a smirk.

"More like a bunch of people who feel sorry for me," said Raven.

"Rae, when are you gonna learn that the city loves you?" asked Beast Boy, crossing his arms.

"About the same time you learn that my name is two syllables," said Raven.

"Huh?" asked Beast Boy, confused.

"My name is Raven, not Rae, Beast Boy," said Raven as she began to work on the next card.

"Oh," said Beast Boy. "Well, I just like to call you Rae. Can't that be my nickname for you?"

"Do I call you by a nickname?" asked Raven bluntly.

"Well, technically, my name's not actually Beast Boy," he said. "So, in a way…"

"Beast Boy is your professional name," said Raven. "It's not a nickname. Your nick names are B or BB or grass stain."

"Wow, never knew you knew all of my nicknames," he said with a grin.

"It's kind of hard not to know them, what with Cyborg yelling them at you all of the time," said Raven.

"That's true," said Beast Boy. "Though, I don't particularly like being called grass stain."

"That's how I feel when you call me Rae," said Raven.

"Why?" asked Beast Boy. "Grass stain isn't really a nickname, it's name calling. Rae is a real nickname, because it's part of your name."

Raven suddenly felt like the room was spinning and she nearly fell from her chair. She caught herself and sighed. "Just please call me Raven, okay?" she said in an exasperated voice and got back to work on the card before he could see that something was wrong.

"Okay," Beast Boy sighed.

"Thank you," said Raven as she grabbed another card.

Beast Boy saw the card and his heart raced. "Yeah, well, the party starts in a half hour so come down to the common room or I'll come get you," he said quickly. "I'll see you later." And with that he quickly left her room.

"Uh… okay," said Raven, noticing his odd behavior. She opened the card up and pulled it out of the envelope. She took a short look at the front and then opened it up.

_Raven,_

_Even though I'm sitting here next to you, I decided to give you a card. Everyone else in the city was, so I figured it'd be stupid of me, your friend, not to. I really hope you pull though and, most of all, I hope you'll be able to read this someday. You mean the world to me Raven and I don't know what I'll do if you can never read this. Anyway, I'd tell you to get well soon, but that's not what I want. Get well NOW!_

_Love Beast Boy_

Raven couldn't believe Beast Boy had sent her a get well card. Not only that, he had written some interesting things. 'I mean the world to him?' she thought. 'What does that mean? And he wrapped it up with _love_ Beast Boy? Is this why he left my room so abruptly? Is he trying to tell me something?'

She felt her heart race and with that came that sharp pain again. She groaned and closed her eyes, waiting for it to pass. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to hide this horrible pain. She just hoped that as time went by her heart would strengthen.


	6. Death Becomes Her

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 6

After about her sixth mission, since she was back on duty, Raven learned that her heart was as strong as it was going to be. And that was not at all a good thing. During each mission she could tell that her friends were doing their best to make it as easy for her as possible. She knew this and yet she could not tell them that she knew. She didn't want them to know that she was appreciative to the fact that they only allowed her to do so much before taking the situation into their own hands.

Her heart hurt every time she was excited, surprised, anxious, scared, or anything that made her heart accelerate in speed. So far the pain had been pretty bearable, but it did slow her down. And it was becoming harder for her to conceal the fact that she was in pain. But, somehow, Beast Boy always knew when she was in trouble. He was the reason it was becoming hard for her to keep her pain a secret.

And the dizzy spells and feeling of weakness haunted her just as often. She read up on it and that meant her heart wasn't beating fast enough. This was just perfect; her heart was either going too fast or not fast enough. She hated it. She never had to worry about her heart beating before, but now she couldn't even go a half an hour without it taunting her.

She had finally finished all of her thank you cards and sent them all out. She sent a very nice one to Beast Boy, figuring she might as well. Little did she know that he hung it on his wall to remind him of her. She finally caught up on all of her meditation and now she was right back to where she was before she had been shot, all of those four months ago.

And Beast Boy still hadn't told her that he was in love with her. He felt like the right moment still hadn't come yet. And now he was just pissing his teammates off. They hated knowing that he loved her and that she still didn't know. The one thing the team disliked was keeping secretes from each other. And this was a big secret that they had been hiding for four months now. And Starfire had nearly slipped five times now.

Raven sat in front of one of the large windows, meditating. It always felt good to clear her mind of all the worry and dread her heart now carried. To imagine that things were back to the way they were before her life had been changed.

"Raven?" asked Starfire softly. Raven had given her a very harsh talk on not screaming her name at her when she was meditating.

"Yes?" asked Raven, keeping her eyes closed.

"I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to the mall of shopping," said Starfire with a small smile.

"No thank you," said Raven.

"But I wish to try on the clothing," said Starfire. "And I have asked Robin and Cyborg and Beast Boy and they all said that they were busy, though they could not tell me what they were busy with. And I do not wish to go alone. Please, will you go with me friend?"

Raven hated that Starfire was so sweet and innocent. How could she say no to her? She sighed and said, "Fine, but not for too long."

"Wonderful!" said Starfire, clapping. "I shall fetch my purse." And with that she flew off.

Raven groaned and touched her feet to the floor. She really detested the mall, but if she went with Starfire this time she wouldn't have to go again for a while. So she would just have to bite her lip and put up with it. She was about to go fetch her own little purse when everything around her began to spin. She fell to her knees and closed her eyes, waiting for it to pass. The weakness she felt really was a bother at time. She quickly regrouped and went about her business.

The two girls left the tower and made their way to the mall. Starfire was practically shaking she was so excited to try on clothes with Raven. Of course, Raven was positive that she wouldn't be trying on anything. She would just give Starfire her opinion on what she was wearing.

Slowly Starfire's pile of clothes in her arms grew and grew. If it was bright, cute, or tight fitting she had it. Starfire had a closet full of clothes that she only wore on special occasions. Like when she and Robin went out on a 'secret mission' which usually meant a date.

"Oh Raven, is clothes shopping not most enjoyable?" Starfire gushed as she grabbed a purple pair of hot pants.

"Yeah, it's real exciting," said Raven sarcastically.

"Why have you not selected any clothes to try on?" asked Starfire.

"Because I'm not going to be trying on any clothes," said Raven.

"But you must!" said Starfire. "Surely you can find something to try on."

"Starfire, I really don't like clothes shopping," said Raven plainly. "You know that."

But Starfire ignored her and decided to look for something for her. She had enough outfits already, she could try finding something for her friend. She grabbed a few darker colored clothes and handed them to Raven.

"Here you are!" she said with a large smile.

"Gee, thanks," said Raven, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, now we must go to the bathing suit section," said Starfire, grabbing Raven by the wrist and dragging her to another part of the store.

"Bathing suits?" asked Raven. "Why?"

"For friend Aqualad's birthday party," said Starfire. "He has announced that it is to be a pool party, did you not know?"

Raven searched her mind to see if she had forgotten about it. And, unfortunately, she did remember Beast Boy telling her about it a few days back when she was trying to meditate. She groaned at the thought of a pool party.

"I think I'll pass," said Raven. "I'll just tell him I'm sick or something. Besides, it's not for like a month or two."

"But you must go!" said Starfire. "All of our friends wish to see you."

"Why me?" asked Raven.

"Because you were injured severely and now you are well," said Starfire. "So you must attend."

"The last thing I want to do is walk around in a bathing suit," said Raven.

"But you walk around in your leotard," Starfire pointed out. "A bathing suit is very much like your leotard."

"Perhaps, but my leotard covers up the upper half of me," said Raven. "And that's the part I don't want exposed."

"Why?" asked Starfire, curiously.

Raven really didn't want to reveal the fact that she was disgusted by the hideous scars that now decorated her chest. Looks were something she had always said didn't matter, it was what was on the inside that counted. But she was truly self conscious of her body now and didn't want anyone to see it.

"Just forget it," said Raven. "Let's go pick a bathing suit for you."

"But you must have one as well!" said Starfire. "Please, Raven."

"Whatever," said Raven at last, sick of talking about it.

Starfire dragged her about and finally, after choosing about thirty-two bathing suits, she found a pink bikini with purple flowers tastefully decorated about it that she liked. Raven had never been so relieved. Starfire then begged and whined until Raven chose one for herself. She grabbed a one piece, black bathing suit and threw it on the pile of clothes Starfire had chosen for her.

"Wonderful, now let us try our clothing on!" said Starfire with a squeal and flew over to the changing room. Of course, she wouldn't go in until Raven went in, as not to be tricked. Raven had done that once before and Starfire was not going to let it happen again.

Unfortunately, Raven was always a step ahead. She went into the changing room and sat there, waiting for Starfire to be finished. The whole time Starfire talked to her and asked how she was doing. Raven had a negative response for each item she was supposedly trying on.

"Are you finished, Raven?" asked Starfire.

"Yes!" said Raven, glad that her hellish nightmare at the mall was almost over.

The two girls emerged out of their changing rooms with the bundle of clothing in their arms. Raven had hers neatly folded, since she had nothing better to do in the changing room. Starfire held two piles, the larger one being what she was going to buy and the other being what she was not going to buy… at least, not that day.

"And what shall you be purchasing?" asked Starfire with a smile.

"Nothing," said Raven.

"But you must!" gasped Starfire. "At least, you must buy the bathing suit for the party."

"I already told you I'm not…" started Raven, but she was cut off by both her and Starfire's communicators going off. Her heart jumped for a moment and she winced at the ache that it brought. She quickly ripped the communicator out of her pocket and flipped it open. "What?" she growled.

Robins face appeared and he said urgently, "It's the Hive Five."

"We're on our way," said Raven and she closed her communicator. She grabbed Starfire's pile of clothes and threw them and her own pile of clothes into a few bags. She then tossed their Titans credit card at the cashier and said, "Just charge us for one of everything. I'll be back later to pick the card back up." And with that she and Starfire quickly flew off with their bags of clothes.

They arrived on the scene and saw the Hive Five in full attack. They threw their clothes into the back of the T-car, once they found it, and joined in. Cyborg was going after Billy Numerous, shooting his sonic canon at all the various Billys. Beast Boy was taking on Gyzmo, which posed the question of would technology beat nature? Robin had Kid Wicked to take care of, which was harder than he thought since the silent villain was very much like a male Raven. Starfire and See-more once again were having a battle of the eyes. This left one Titan and one villain left, and Raven was not at all happy about being left to take him on.

Mammoth grinned and laughed in his throat when he saw Raven. She quickly remembered that she had to keep herself calm, no matter what. Keep her heart at a steady beat. She knew how he fought; the team had been fighting him for many years now.

Mammoth quickly grabbed a truck and hurled it at her. She quickly raised her hand and encased it in her powers before it could touch her. She whirled it around and sent it right back at him. He punched it and the thing crumpled and dropped right in front of him. She grabbed a few lampposts and attempted to restrain him with them by wrapping them around his massive body. He easily flexed his muscles and they burst off of him.

He then cracked all of his joints and she knew he was about to do something big. He got in a running stance, and then bolted after her. She quickly started to levitate higher into the air so he could not reach her, but it was too late. With one massive leap into the air he grabbed her and slammed her down in to the pavement. This was not good.

Her eyes turned black and she blasted him off of her. He seemed down for a moment so she stood up and brushed her cloak off. She saw him get back up and start towards her again. She raised her hands and tried to lift the pavement he was standing on so he would fall, but he was too quick. Before she had time to react he collided into her. He was moving so fast he was able to keep her firmly pressed against one of his large hands. He ran her right into a wall and held her there tightly.

"You're not much of a challenge," he said in his low, beast like voice. "I wonder why that is." He grabbed her by the throat and lifted her off of the ground. "Oh yeah, that's right, you're weak now." He squeezed her throat tighter and lifted her higher.

Raven couldn't breath and she couldn't speak. Her heart began to race and with that came the pain, stronger than ever. It was so great she could not summon her powers. She couldn't do anything. She grabbed at his massive hand and tried to pull it off of her, but it was useless, he was too strong. She was losing oxygen quickly and the pain only increased to a place she never believed it could go. Tears streamed down her face and she tried to plead for him to stop, but he only smiled and squeezed her throat tighter. Everything around her seemed to start to darken and she was on the edge of passing out.

Suddenly Mammoth was hit broad side by a green T-rex. He let go of her and she collapsed to the ground. She gasped for breath and tried to sit up. She supported herself against the wall, on her knees, and clutched her chest.

Beast Boy let out a massive roar and then whipped his tail around and smacked Mammoth as hard as he could. The giant flew into a building and with a groan, fell to the street. Starfire threw a beat up See-more onto the down Mammoth and then Robin added Kid Wicked to the pile. Cyborg dragged Billy Numerous over to his villain friends and threw him on top of the mound. Beast Boy then retrieved the dazed Gyzmo that he had taken out before attacking Mammoth.

"You'd think they'd learn by now," said Cyborg, shaking his head with disappointment.

"At least we got them all in one group," said Robin, looking at the pile that was formerly the Hive Five.

"And the police are on their way, correct?" asked Starfire.

"Yup, we just hafta keep an eye on them," said Cyborg.

"I wouldn't worry, dude," said Beast Boy with a grin. "I don't think they're getting up for a while." He then looked around and noticed that they were missing one of their own. "Raven?" He saw her sitting against the wall of a building, clutching her chest. "Raven!" He and the rest of the team went running over to her.

"Are you okay?" asked Robin.

"No," she said, wincing and gritting her teeth from the pain.

"Please, what is wrong?" asked Starfire, very worried.

Raven couldn't say it, she could only grab her chest and let out a cry of pain. The pain within her had intensified again and she fell over completely. Beast Boy quickly grabbed her and kept her in his arms.

"Cyborg, quick!" said Robin.

Cyborg quickly scanned her body to see what was wrong. He looked at the results in the screen in his arm and his eyes widened. "She's havin a heart attack!" he said. He quickly dialed the hospital and said, "Yo, we need an ambulance here, now!"

Raven could feel everything around her fading away, and yet the pain remained. Tears of pain streamed down her cheeks and she gasped to breathe.

"Please, what is happening?" asked Starfire, who was terribly confused.

"What do we do?" asked Beast Boy desperately.

"Keep her awake," said Robin. "Raven, can you hear me?"

A chill went through her as she knew that this was probably it. She had been spared from death so many times, but this was not to be another one of those occasions. She could feel it. She gripped onto Beast Boy's arms as tightly as she could and he could see the fear in her eyes.

"Come on Raven, hang in there," he pleaded.

She could just hear the sirens as the darkness slowly began to creep over her eyes, blinding her and bringing her into deaths open arms. Her hold on Beast Boy began to loosen, and that's what scared him the most.

"Raven, you gotta stay with us," said Cyborg, his words falling on deaf ears. Her sight went black and her lids closed.

And the ambulance still hadn't arrived. Cyborg checked her and saw that her heart had stopped. "Damn it!" he screamed. "Beast Boy put her down."

"Why?" asked Beast Boy.

"Just do it!" screamed Cyborg. He did and watched as Cyborg hovered over Raven and began to push down on her chest five times, then checked to see if anything changed. He did it again and again and still he could not get a pulse. "You're not dyin on me, Raven!" he said firmly and punched a few buttons into his arm and a slot in his left leg opened up to reveal a defibrillator. He quickly charged it up and screamed, "Clear!" All the Titans moved back as Cyborg shocked Raven, causing her chest to rise and then fall back to the ground.

Beast Boy watched in horror as Ravens body limply lay there, only moving when Cyborg sent a shock of electricity through her. He knew he should have reacted faster, he should have kept her out of harms way. And now there was nothing he could do but watch helplessly as Cyborg tried as hard as he could to bring Raven back to life.


	7. Admitting Defeat

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 7

A familiar sound filled her ears. The same sound that had lulled her to sleep for months. It was the rhythmic beeping of one of the many machines that made sure she was still alive. She slowly opened her eyes and knew she was correct. She wondered if this was real or she was suffering from a flashback before death took her. She moved her eyes about the room and saw that it was a different room, not the one she had stayed in for a month. This must have been real. She must have been alive.

"Welcome back," said a familiar voice.

She turned her head and saw Beast Boy sitting by her bed, a small smile on his face. "Beast Boy?"

"Hey," he said, scooting a little closer. He took his communicator out and flipped it open. "She's awake."

"Okay, we'll be right there," said Robin's voice.

"What happened?" asked Raven.

"You had a heart attack," said Beast Boy. "After you passed out your heart stopped completely."

"It did?" asked Raven.

"Yeah, you were legally dead for three minutes," said Beast Boy. "Luckily Cyborg was able to get a pulse right before the ambulance finally arrived. Stupid guy got lost on the way to the scene."

"How long have I been out?" asked Raven fearfully.

"Uh," said Beast Boy, looking at the clock on the wall. "About nine hours."

"Well, that's considerably shorter than last time," she said.

"I'll say," said Beast Boy. "You really have to stop scaring us like this. Why didn't you tell us you were having problems?"

"I didn't want you to think I was weak," said Raven, ashamed.

"So you risked your life?" asked Beast Boy. "Raven, you actually died this time! For three minutes I thought you were gone forever, do you have any idea how scared I was? How scared all of us were? You should have said something."

"I know," said Raven, tears falling from her eyes and the blinds of her window shaking and then falling from their hinges to the floor. Her emotions were taking over. "I just… I don't want to be like this. I shouldn't feel pain every time my heart beats a little faster than normal."

"No, of course not," said Beast Boy. "And that's why you should have told us so we could help you before it got to this point. The doctor said that your heart's been strained so badly it's even weaker now. So you have to take it easy."

Just then her room door opened and her three other friends came in. They each looked much better than they had when she had first seen them after she'd been shot. Even Beast Boy looked a little more optimistic. Did that mean that perhaps her situation wasn't as horrible as it seemed?

"Well, look who finally decided to join the land of the livin," joked Cyborg.

"Raven, you feel better now, correct?" asked Starfire.

"I suppose," said Raven sadly as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Boy, did you cut it close," said Robin.

"Yeah, I heard," said Raven. "So now what?"

"Well, we've talked with the doctor and he's told us that because of the trauma your heart's been through it's very weak," said Robin. "Also, it's beating very irregularly. That's why you've been having dizzy spells as well."

"How did you know that?" asked Raven.

"Come on, Raven, how could we not notice you fallin over every once in a while?" said Cyborg. "Anyway, because of all of this we're positive that you're heart has been permanently damaged."

"Oh, well that's just great," said Raven, quite upset.

"But, do not worry friend," said Starfire.

"Why not?" asked Raven.

"Because there is a solution!" said Starfire.

"You're getting a pacemaker," said Beast Boy with a smile.

"Excuse me?" asked Raven.

"A pacemaker," said Cyborg. "It's this little device that'll keep your heart beating at a…"

"I know what it is!" Raven yelled.

"Raven, calm down," said Robin firmly.

Raven huffed and calmed down. "I don't want one," she said.

"But it shall keep your heart healthy," said Starfire.

"I don't care!" said Raven. "I'm too young to have a pacemaker!"

"Age has nothin to do with it," said Cyborg. "It's your heart that matters. And right now it's not functionin properly and it won't unless you get a pacemaker."

"No!" said Raven, crossing her arms. "This is ridiculous. My heart just needs a little more time to heal, that's all."

"Raven, you're heart is as healed as it's gonna be," said Beast Boy in a concerned voice. "I'm sorry, but this is the only way to keep you from having another heart attack. And the doctor said that the next one will most likely kill you."

Raven felt tears well up in her eyes and all of the machines monitoring her vitals blew up, causing the sirens of her room to sound off. The nurses quickly ran in, but Robin turned them away, explaining the situation.

"My heart will heal," she said looking down at the clean white sheets of her bed. "I just… I just need more time."

"Raven, you have no more time!" said Cyborg.

"Please, why do you resist?" asked Starfire. "This shall make you well. Do you not want to be well again?"

"Can't I at least try some heart medication first?" she asked.

"The doctor said that this is beyond medication," said Robin. "You have to remember that you were shot, Raven. You're lucky to be alive as it is. Yes, we know this is extreme, but it's our only surefire answer to keeping you alive and healthy. Trust me, if we thought there was another alternative we would have considered it first. But we've talked things over with the doctor and we've all agreed that a pacemaker will restore your heart so that it functions properly and allow you to basically live your old life again."

"Isn't that what you want?" asked Beast Boy.

Raven could feel all of their eyes resting on her and it was all too much. She didn't want a pacemaker, only overweight men who abused their bodies needed pacemakers! She was a healthy young woman who had _just_ left her teenage years. If she got a pacemaker then she was admitting defeat; she was saying that she was weak. She couldn't have that. She didn't want that.

She turned on her side, so she wouldn't have to face them, and began to weep. She curled up and sobbed like they had never seen her cry before. The lights in the room overcharged and exploded, leaving them only with the light from the blindless window.

They decided to leave her alone for a while so she could think. Even Beast Boy left so she could calm down. They were not happy with her reaction at all. They had expected this to be the answer to their prayers, but she was being horribly stubborn.

They were, of course, very upset with her for not telling them that she had been in pain for so long. They had ignorantly thought that if she said nothing than she must have been fine. Even Beast Boy, with all of the warnings his instincts had been giving him, had convinced himself that she was fine. She was the old Raven again. Now it was clear that that Raven had died and now they had a new Raven on their team.

Hours passed and the time was coming close where she had to make a decision. The doctor had made room to do the procedure that night; since it was better they do it as soon as possible. She had to give consent soon or they would have to make another appointment weeks later.

"No one's going to treat you any different," said Robin.

"Bullshit," said Raven, wiping a tear from her eye. "You'll all treat me like I'm a porcelain doll or something."

"At first, yeah," said Cyborg. "But once you're body gets used to it you can be just like your old self again. You won't have to worry about it beating too fast or too slow."

"I won't be able to go out on missions anymore," said Raven.

"Without it, definitely not," said Robin. "But with it you will."

"Every villain will know my weakness," said Raven. "I'll be too easy to take down, and then I'll do nothing but burden you."

"We'll work around that," said Robin.

"Raven, please," begged Starfire. "Get the pace-maker device."

"We don't want to lose you again," said Beast Boy. "If you don't get this done then you are signing your death certificate. Please don't do that to us. Please don't do that to yourself. Please."

Raven could swear that Beast Boy had tears in his eyes. She looked around the room and saw that all of her friends were ready to tear up as well. She knew that all that they were saying was true. She knew that she wouldn't survive for very long without it. She had to choose. Should she live a few more weeks because she's stubborn or live a full life with the knowledge that she's weak?

She squinted her eyes and felt some more tears escape. "Alright, I'll do it," she said at last.

All four Titans let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you," said Beast Boy.

"I'll go tell the doctor," said Cyborg and he left.

"And don't worry about the surgery," said Robin. "It's very simple. You should go home tomorrow."

"Now that's better than a month, right?" said Beast Boy with a small smile.

Raven said nothing, she just closed her eyes and shook her head, not believing she was going to allow this to happen. Beast Boy took her hand and tried to comfort her. And she did not pull away. She just didn't care anymore. Why should she? She was admitting defeat. She felt like a coward. And, most of all, she felt weak.

She was in and out in about an hour's time. The surgery had gone very smoothly and they had every reason to believe she would be perfectly fine now. They had to keep her overnight to monitor how it was working and make sure no complications arose. When she woke up she felt a horrible pain in her chest, but that was from the surgery. She looked down and saw that right under her collarbone on the left side of her chest there was a lump and a few inches from it laid bandages to cover up where the insertion had been made.

The night went by without a problem and the next day she was allowed to go home. She was actually allowed to walk out of the hospital. She hadn't said more than two words since coming out of surgery, but they knew that that was because she was still contemplating her decision. They kept assuring her that she had made the right decision.

As soon as she made it home she locked herself in her room. She sat on her bed and tried to get used to the new feeling of the pacemaker. She could feel it ticking within her, but the doctor said that she would get used to it with time and after a while wouldn't even notice it. She looked in her mirror and saw the lump that was pacemaker. Luckily, her leotard would cover it up, as well as the new scar. She wondered what the new scar would look like, but she wouldn't be able to see for a little while.

She sat on her bed silently and thought about what her life had become. A year ago she had been the dark mistress of magic; mysterious, unique, and virtually unstoppable. Sure, she could be taken down in battle, but that was only because she limited her powers as to not destroy anything. They all knew that if she ever snapped, she had the ability to destroy the very Earth if she wanted to. She had held that sort of power since she was a small child.

Now she looked at herself and the tears poured from her eyes. She was nothing like the Raven she was known to be. Now she was weak and crippled. Her heart could not even beat correctly on its own. Her chest was covered with horrible, hideous scars that taunted her every time she looked in the mirror. How could her life possibly get any worse? Even death would've been a welcome relief at this point.

"Please, Raven will be better soon, yes?" asked Starfire in a worried tone. Raven had been in her room for two days now and she refused to see anyone.

"She's fine, Star, she's just very unhappy," said Cyborg.

"And what can we do to make her happy?" asked Starfire.

"Reverse time and stop Johnny Rancid from shooting her," said Beast Boy.

"Shall I fetch Warp's time clock device?" asked Starfire.

"He didn't mean it, Star," said Robin.

"Yes I did," Beast Boy sighed. "But, I know we can't tamper with time again, so that's out." Beast Boy was in the kitchen making her some tea. He needed to talk to her, to make her feel better.

He softly knocked on her door said, "Raven?" He waited but he did not receive a response. "Can I come in?"

"Do what you want," he heard her mutter softly.

He slid her door open and stepped inside. She was meditating, hovering above her bed. He closed her door and made his way over to her.

"I made you some tea," said Beast Boy sweetly.

"That wasn't necessary," she said sharply. "I'm quite capable of getting my own tea."

"I know, but you've been in here for two days," said Beast Boy. "I just figured you could use something to fill your stomach."

"I don't need you to take care of me," she growled. "If I wanted some tea I would have gotten it myself."

"Oh," said Beast Boy, his ears drooping. He placed it on her bedside table and said, "Well, if you want it it's right here." He stood in front of her and watched as she continued to meditate. He hated the feelings that were coming off of her; all negative and full of despair and anger.

"Why can't you understand that I don't want you here?" she practically yelled.

"I'm just trying to help you feel better," he said coolly.

"Nothing will make me feel better," she said angrily. "So just leave me alone."

"Look, I know you're upset about this whole pacemaker thing, but if you give it some time you'll see that this was the best thing for you," said Beast Boy.

"I am _not_ upset," she said through her teeth, causing a pillow on her bed to explode.

"Come on, Raven, it's okay to be upset," said Beast Boy. "You're dealing with a lot of stuff and if you talk about it then you'll feel better."

Raven fell from her spot in the air and landed on her bed. She placed her face in her hands and let out a groan of absolute frustration. "Get out!" she screamed. "Just get out and leave me alone!"

"Okay," said Beast Boy, backing up. "I'm going. Just don't feel like you have to hide from us. If you want to do everything on your own, then just do it. We're not going to stop you. We know you're strong and capable." And with that said he left her alone.

Raven sat on her bed and thought about what he had said. Did they really think she was alright to do things on her own? They weren't going to baby her? She looked over to the tea and suddenly felt weak from hunger. She grabbed it and sipped the still warm liquid greedily. He had made it perfectly.

Beast Boy sat down outside of Ravens room. He just wanted to be there, to be close to her. If anything were to happen to her again he was going to be there to help her. He never wanted her to leave his sight again, and he knew that that wasn't what she wanted. So he would have to keep a close eye on her without her knowing it. That was the only way he'd be able to protect her without her feeling inadequate.


	8. The Moment

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 8

That first week had been the hardest for her. Not because of soreness or anything, but because she wasn't allowed to shower. She had to have Starfire wash her hair in the sink and then she would wash her body down with a washcloth. Oh yeah, her life really was improving. But then she realized that the week had gone by and she had not once felt any pain. Just that ticking in her chest, which she gradually got used to and only felt when she remembered it was within her.

She was finally able to remove the bandages and see the scar that had been left. It was about two and a half inches long and resided about an inch away from where the pacemaker was. After she had gotten a good look at it she quickly dressed so that she didn't have to see it any longer.

Slowly she began to fall back into her routine and acted as if all was well and normal. But when the alarm went off she stayed behind. Seven missions; that was all her heart could handle on its own. Actually, it couldn't even handle seven. She was reminded of this every time the siren went off.

Robin told her that she was fine to come out with them, but she declined. She felt that it was too dangerous for her. She could be easily taken down with a slight shock of electricity or a cell phone. She really didn't want to be a burden to the team, so she would rather just stay behind.

It pained her friends to see her like this. Slowly the weeks passed and she remained extremely quiet and closed off from them. She would read in the common room while they watched television, but she never acknowledged that they were there. She lived in her own little world now; a numb world where she could not be touched by anything. Reality turned out to be too painful, so she escaped as often as possible. She would go out to her favorite café alone and not come home for hours, claiming that she lost track of the time.

And now Aqualad's birthday party had come. This was the day that had scared her the most. She knew that there was no way she couldn't go, all of their friends wanted to see her. She hadn't seen any of them since she had been shot and it was important to them that they could see their injured friend. But she refused to wear a bathing suit. Come Hell or high water, she was not going to wear a bathing suit.

"I don't even own one!" said Raven. They were leaving for the Titans East in an hour and it was going to be a long drive, so they were putting their suits on now.

"But, Raven, you purchased one," said Starfire. "Don't you remember?"

"No," said Raven sternly.

"Yes, the day your heart had the attack we went to the mall and bought clothing," said Starfire. "And you and I bought bathing suits. I shall fetch yours."

"That doesn't mean I'm going to wear it!" she called after the happy alien.

"Come on, Raven, everyone's gonna be wearin one," said Cyborg.

"You're not!" she said.

"Well, no, but I don't really have a choice," said Cyborg.

"And even Robin's wearing one," said Beast Boy. "You'll stand out if you don't wear one."

"I'll stand out if I do," she said under her breath.

Starfire returned with the black one piece bathing suit. "Here you are," she said with a smile.

"I already told you I'm not putting this on," growled Raven.

"Come on, Raven, you'll see you have nothing to be embarrassed about when you see everyone else wearing one," said Robin. "And you can wear it under some clothes so if you really don't want to show it off you can just stay clothed."

"I don't own any clothes," said Raven crossing her arms.

"Yes you do, I shall fetch them as well," said Starfire flying back out of the room the get the clothes Raven had been forced to purchase that day.

Raven groaned and felt like she was fighting a losing battle. Starfire returned and gave Raven the bag of clothes she had bought. Raven snatched it away angrily and stormed off to her room. They knew she was not going to be pleasant company that day, but getting out with their friends would be good for her.

She poured the clothing onto her bed and went through it. It was all items that Starfire had chosen for her. Granted, it was somewhat dark. The colors ranged from black to dark purple. But, still, it was not her style at all. It was tight and the shirts had cute little sayings or pictures on them.

She grabbed the black bathing suit and slipped it on. She had her back to her mirror and she did not want to turn around. She knew what she saw wasn't going to be pretty. But her curiosity got the better of her and slowly she turned. She kept her eyes closed and once she was fully turned around she slowly opened them up.

She saw a pale girl with scars covering her chest and lump resting just under her collarbone on the left side of her chest. How could a body look any uglier? What kind of a superhero was she to be so covered with scars? She felt her eyes fill with tears and turned away from the mirror. How could she go out there, knowing that only a shirt covered this shame of hers?

The team waited for twenty minutes and still Raven had not returned. Beast Boy volunteered to go see what was taking her. He, himself, had a pair of blue swimming trunks on and a whit tee-shirt. He couldn't wait to get to the party and show off how much better he was at swimming than the birthday boy.

He knocked on her door and said, "Raven, you ready yet?"

"I'm not going," she said in a tearful voice.

"Not this again," Beast Boy sighed to himself. "Come on, Raven, you gotta go."

"I don't care," said Raven softly through her door. "I just… I can't."

"Yes you can," said Beast Boy. "Now come on."

"Just go!" said Raven, her crying coming through entirely now. "Tell them I'm having a bad day or something."

"Raven, what's wrong?" asked Beast Boy. "You can tell me."

She was quiet for a moment and then said, "No."

Beast Boy knew that the correct thing to do was turn around and leave her be. He knew that he should respect her wishes. But his own heart told him that the right thing to do was go in there and make sure she was okay. For all he knew she was having another heart attack and she was just hiding it. He couldn't let that happen; he wouldn't let it happen. He slid her door open and entered.

She sat on the edge of her bed, her arms crossed and holding each of her shoulders, hiding her chest. She knew that he was there and he had entered against her will but she couldn't tell him to leave. She couldn't do anything anymore. These scars defined who she was now. Weak and a coward; unable to keep her own body alive.

He got down in front of her and said, "Rae, please talk to me."

She sadly looked to him and he saw her tear filled eyes. "I can't go out there," she said.

"Why not?" he asked softly.

"Because… of this," she said, lowering her arms so he could see her chest. None of her friends had gotten a good look at her chest, since it was either covered by bandages or she had hid it beneath her leotard.

For a moment, Beast Boy was shocked, but only because he had never seen these scars before. He saw the line that went down her chest and the scar that had formed where the bullet had entered her. He saw the outline of the pacemaker just under her skin and the newest scar from the insertion of the device. He looked to her eyes and saw only sadness.

"So?" he said.

"So?" she said. "So look at me! How can I go out there with these… things covering me?"

"We've all got scars, Raven," he said comfortingly. "They come with living life. There's not a person in the world that doesn't have at least one scar."

"But mine aren't from falling off of a bicycle," she said. "Mine are from all of the mistakes I made. They're a reminder of how stupid and cowardly I am."

"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Beast Boy. "Raven, you're the smartest, bravest person I've ever met! Don't you ever say anything different."

"I don't want to go out there," she said shaking her head. "They're all going to stare at me."

"So? Who cares what they think," said Beast Boy. "You should be proud of these marks. They're proof that you're so strong you've outrun death twice now! Who wouldn't want to brag about that?"

"I don't want to brag about being shot and having a heart attack!" she said quite upset. "I'm ashamed that it happened to me, not proud."

"Raven, you shouldn't be ashamed of anything," said Beast Boy. "And you shouldn't be self conscious of your scars."

"How can I not be?" asked Raven. "They're so… ugly!"

Beast Boy sighed and thought for a moment. He then pulled his tee-shirt off and turned a little the right. "You see that?" he asked as he indicated to a six inch scar on his side. He then looked around at his left arm and then pointed to another scar. "Or that?" He showed her his knee that looked like it had been scraped up and then healed over. "How about this?" He then turned around revealed three little scars on the right side of his back. "Isn't that one good? See? We've all got scars, Raven."

"Where did you get them?" she asked, looking at them with concern.

"Where else? In battle, of course," he said, putting his shirt back on. "And I'm not ashamed of them or anything."

"Yours aren't out where everyone can see them," said Raven sadly.

"They will be when I go swimming," said Beast Boy. "And do you think I care at all?"

"Well that's you!" said Raven. "I'm different. I hated my body already and now I've got these disgusting scars covering it. And I know that everyone will either stare or avoid me altogether."

"Well it doesn't matter what they think!" said Beast Boy. "Raven, you never cared what people thought before. Why should now be any different? Besides, I'm looking at you right now and I'm neither staring nor avoiding you. Because I know that no matter how many scars or changes your body goes through, you'll always be Raven."

"I don't feel like Raven," she said, looking down shamefully.

"You _are_ Raven," he said, lifting her face so she would look at him. "And no bullet, pacemaker, or scar is ever going to change that. You're the only one who can change who you are, nothing else."

Raven looked at him silently for a minute, and then wrapped her arms around him, holding him tightly to her. Beast Boy was rather shocked at this, but he quickly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back. He could feel the device in her chest pressing up against his own and he could just feel it ticking. It was an odd sensation, but for the first time he felt like he was sharing her pain and her struggle.

'Now,' he thought. 'This is it you fool! Tell her now!'

"Raven?" he said softly, gently pulling him self away from her. She looked like she was ready to cry again, but was doing her best not to. "There's been something I've been trying to tell you for a while now. And every time I've tried to tell you an alarm as gone off or I've been interrupted. But I don't care if the whole tower falls around us, because I'm telling you now."

"Telling me what?" asked Raven.

"Raven," he said, taking her hands and looking deep into her glistening, violet eyes. "I'm in love with you. And I have been for some time now."

Ravens eyes widened and she felt her breath catch in her throat. "Wh… what?" she said, shocked.

"I love you," he said firmly.

"You… do?" she said.

"Yes," he said, nodding and squeezing her hands. "And I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to finally tell you. I swear, I've been trying and waiting for just the right moment, and I'm hoping this was it. If not, I'm gonna feel really, uh, stupid."

Raven was quiet for a few seconds, thinking. "So… this is why you stayed with me in the hospital after I was shot?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"And why you were the one always checking in on me and helping me?" she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"And you're not saying this out of pity?" asked Raven, feeling fear creep up into her.

"Rae, I tried to tell you this right before you got shot, remember?" he said with a slight chuckle. "We were in the hallway talking and just as I was about to tell you, the alarm went off and we found out Johnny Rancid was tearing around downtown and we had to leave. I've felt this way about you long before any of this ever happened."

Raven thought some more and then a slight smile crossed her face. "I knew I could feel something different about you," she said. "I mean, that whole day is basically a blur, but I remember that you were very quiet and I could feel something odd about you."

"Yeah, I was really nervous about telling you," said Beast Boy with a smile. "And then, when you got shot, I thought I would never be able to tell you. And that was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life."

Raven was quiet again. "Do the others know?" she asked.

"Yeah," said Beast Boy. "It all kinda came out when you were shot."

"And they were able to keep it a secret for this long?" asked Raven, shocked.

"Well, there were a few close calls, but they knew that I wanted to tell you when I felt the time was right," said Beast Boy. "So… how do you feel about it?"

"I… I'm not sure," said Raven, uneasily. "I just can't picture anyone… loving me. Loving this." She felt the long scar in the middle of her chest. "How can you say you're in love with me when I'm this weak? When I look like this?"

"Raven, I didn't fall in love with you because of your body," he said. "Well, I kinda did, but I first fell in love with who you are. And no matter how many scars you get you'll always be beautiful to me." Raven closed her eyes and Beast Boy could see tears filling under the lashes. He pressed his forehead to hers, closed his eyes, and said, "You'll always be Raven."

Then he ever so lightly brushed his lips against hers. She gave a small gasp, but did not pull away. She leaned in with him and they had their first real kiss. She lightly took his face into her hands and kept him where he was. He weaved his arms around her and brought her body close to him. Then he trailed the kisses down her jaw line, to her neck, and then to her chest. He softly and gently kissed each of her scars.

She knew what he was doing, even if she couldn't feel the kisses. Just the fact that he wasn't disgusted by them made her happy. He ended his kisses on her chest and gave her one last strong one on the lips. Then he rested his head against her once more, both with their eyes closed, and tried to catch their breath.

Suddenly there came a barrage of knocks upon her door. "Yo! What's takin so long?" Cyborg yelled.

They both jumped and looked towards the door. They looked back at each other and Beast Boy smiled. "We'll be right there," he said.

"Bout time!" said Cyborg.

Beast Boy stood up and brought Raven up with him. "Are you alright to go?" he asked softly.

"I… guess," said Raven unsurely.

"Raven, close your eyes," he said. She looked at him oddly for a moment and did as she was told. He placed his hand on her largest scar and said, "Can you feel this?"

"No," said Raven, shaking her head.

He moved his hand to another scar. "Can you feel that?" he asked. She shook her head again. "If you can't feel it, then why should you worry about it being there? If it doesn't bother you, then it doesn't bother us."

Raven opened her eyes and saw Beast Boy smiling at her. She took a big breath in and said, "Okay, let's go."


	9. Normality

**AN: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own Teen Titans, and neither do you!**

Chapter 9

It seemed like Aqualad had invited every Titan there was to his party. Beast Boy grumbled at the Atlantian's popularity. The Titans East had an extra large pool and it accommodated them all. The whole pool room was decorated and there was a large banner that said 'Happy Birthday Aqualad!'.

"I wish you a most glorious birthday friend!" said Starfire giving him a bone crushing hug.

"Thanks… Starfire," said Aqualad through his collapsing lungs.

She released him and went to greet all of her other friends, of course stripping her clothes off first to reveal her bikini. Needless to say, Mas e Manos followed her around just as closely as Robin.

"Hey man, happy birthday," said Cyborg, giving him the mound of gifts they had brought for him.

"Thanks, you can put them down on the table over there," said Aqualad.

"You know, I needed two tables to hold all of my gifts at my birthday," said Beast Boy with a smirk.

"No you didn't," said Aqualad smirking back. "I was there." He saw Raven and he smiled. "Raven! You came."

"Yeah," said Raven, feeling like she was about to have an anxiety attack.

"You look great," said Aqualad with a smile. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yes, for the first time in a few months," said Raven.

"Great, well, have fun," said Aqualad. "I've got to go yell at Speedy, he made clam dip!" And with that he ran off, screaming at Speedy who was at the other end of the pool.

"See?" said Beast Boy. "No one's acting weird around you."

"I've only seen Aqualad so far," said Raven. "Who knows how everyone else will act."

"Raven!" called Melvin and her team, who were now nearly teens themselves.

"Oh no," said Raven.

The three ran over to her and wrapped their arms around her. She was taken right off of her feet. "You're here! Are you okay? Were you really shot? Can I see the bullet hole? What's a pacemaker? Is it like a communicator? Can we see it? Why was Beast Boy holding your hand?" they all asked at once.

"Yes, I'm here, yes, I'm okay, Yes, I was shot, I'm not making any promises about seeing the bullet hole scar, a pacemaker makes sure my heart beats at a regular pace, no, it's not like a communicator, you can see the pacemaker under my skin, and none of your business," said Raven, answering all of their questions.

Once they were satisfied they jumped back into the pool. Raven was starting to feel a little better. One by one Titans came up to her to see how she was and tell her how happy they were to finally see her. No one acted weird around her at all. Of course, she still had her shirt on and her scars weren't showing yet.

"Aren't you gonna come in?" asked Beast Boy from the pool.

"I'm here, isn't that enough?" asked Raven.

"Nope," said Beast Boy with a grin. "Come on, once you get in you'll feel much better."

"It is rather humid in here," said Raven, sweat glistening from her forehead.

"Then get in here!" said Beast Boy, splashing some water at her. She jumped back and just missed the wave of water.

She sighed and slipped her pants off. Now for the hardest part. She ever so slowly began to take her shirt off. Once it was off she held it in front of her chest for a moment and then slowly began to lower it. She had expected the whole room to stop and everyone to gasp and stare. But no one was even paying attention, except Beast Boy.

"Good, now get in here!" he ordered.

She gave him a small smile, went over to the pool, and slid in. The water was warm, what with it being an inside pool, and it felt great. Almost like a bath. She dove under and came up, feeling the sweat being washed off of her.

"See? I told you you had nothing to worry about," said Beast Boy swimming over to her. She smiled and just as she was swimming closer to him, Speedy jumped over the two and landed in the pool with a splash. Aqualad was right at the edge of the pool screaming at him.

"I told you no fish!" he screamed. "Why can't you understand that?"

"Well how was I supposed to know that you considered clam a fish!" Speedy yelled back. Aqualad growled and stormed off. "Sheesh, picky picky. Oh, hey guys."

"Hello Speedy," the two said, rather upset that he had practically jumped on top of them.

"Raven, didn't know you came," said Speedy. He looked at her chest and his eyes widened. He gave a whistled and said, "Whoa, nice ones." Ravens eyes went wide and she was ready to slap him. "No, your scars! Nice scars." This really didn't help the situation and Raven immediately covered her chest up by crossing her arms. "You wanna see mine?"

Raven looked at him oddly and said, "Uh… okay."

Speedy smiled and flexed his right bicep, revealing a two inch scar running across it. "Look at that baby," he said smugly.

"Ha! You call that a scar?" laughed Kid Flash. He sat up on the side of the pool and showed them all the bottom of his left foot. It had a slash going diagonally across it. "Not _that_ is a scar."

"Puh-lease, look at this," said Bumble Bee showing a jagged scar going up her left under arm. "Now tell me that isn't a winner."

Jericho waved his arms around and pointed to the long scar going across his throat.

"Come on, y'all," said Cyborg shaking his head and smiling. "I've got most of me missing! I think I win."

"No, we're talking about scars, not amputations," said Jinx splashing him.

"Oh, I got the crème de la crème," said Hot Spot showing a burn mark on the side of his stomach. "See, that's what happens when you forget to turn into fire and go to play with it."

They all laughed and Raven suddenly understood what Beast Boy had said. Everyone did have scars, and none of them were ashamed by them. They were actually… proud.

"Okay, but who has the most?" asked Robin.

Everyone began to go over their body and count all of their scars. Now they were having a contest. Robin had the most scars, Jericho had the oldest scar, Jinx had the most hidden scar (and she wasn't about to show where it was in public), Aqualad had the funniest scar story, and Beast Boy had the most spread out scars. Raven won the scariest scar story, the longest scar, and the most visible scar awards and she was actually rather… proud of it.

Of course, everyone was curious about her pacemaker and she had to explain what seemed a hundred times what it was. Everyone, especially the boys, wanted to touch it, since it was elevated and could be clearly seen. This, of course, she did not allow.

After the party, Raven felt much better about everything. No one treated her differently, no one babied her. And, if anything, she was the one acting differently. She smiled and had even let out a chuckle or two, especially when Cyborg panced Beast Boy in front of everyone. Luckily he had reacted quickly and not too much was seen, just enough to throw the whole party into a laughing frenzy. Needless to say, Cyborg went home without his left arm, which Beast Boy had torn off and thrown into the nearby ocean.

On the way home Raven and Beast Boy sat extra close in the car, both with soft smiles. Their three teammates were so relieved that it was all finally out in the open. Yes, Raven still felt a little odd about it, but she also felt the love that Beast Boy exuded for her. She simply soaked in his feelings and felt quite content. They were genuine and that was all she asked for. And she believed, with time, she just may be able to feel love for him as well. She already had what could be considered a crush on him.

Now that she was feeling better about her situation she began to rethink her whole stand on going out on missions. She talked to Cyborg and asked him if there was anything he could make to protect her pacemaker. She knew that the easiest way for a villain to take her down was to be given an electric shock that could mess up her pacemaker and cause her to have another heart attack.

He came up with a small disk that could absorb any electric shocks that he simply implanted into the clasp of her cloak. It also absorbed any odd frequencies, from, say, a cell phone, that could mess with it as well. Now, she felt ready to go back out there. As long as she was sure her heart was kept safe.

She was deep in meditation when she heard the alarm go off. She was actually excited to go back out there. She quickly made her way to the common room and was surprised to see that she was the first one there. The others quickly arrived as well and they saw where the trouble was and who was causing.

"It's Cardiac," said Robin.

"Seems fitting for my first day back on the job," said Raven, crossing her arms, but smiling softly.

"He's scaring the kids at the playground again," said Robin.

"Well let's go!" said Raven and she flew off with the others, who were stunned at her eagerness, following right after her.

They found Cardiac going after frightened children who were running for their lives. It was just attempting to suck a little boy on the jungle gym up when the Titans arrived. Cyborg and Beast Boy, as a gorilla, tackled Cardiac and pulled it away from the boy. Starfire quickly grabbed the child and flew him to safety. She and Robin were doing their best to get the children out of there.

Cardiac threw Cyborg and Beast Boy off and tried to run off before it could be taken down. Raven saw this and knew this was her time to shine.

"Oh no," she said. "You're not getting away that easily." She took in a big breath and said with all of her might, "Azerath metrion zynthos!" Her dark powers flew out of her and wrapped around Cardiac completely. She lifted it off of the ground and tore it completely apart, and this time she kept track of all of the pieces. She bunched it together in one big ball of metal and dropped it to the ground.

"Whoa," said Cyborg, expressing what all of her teammates were feeling.

"I don't know," said Raven, touching down. "I still think I'm a little rusty."

"Raven that was most extraordinary!" said Starfire, clapping.

"Not only did you take down the bad guy, you compacted him!" laughed Beast Boy, poking the metal ball that used to be Cardiac.

"How's your heart?" asked Robin.

"Fine," said Raven with a small smile. "I didn't feel a thing the entire time."

"Great," said Robin with a smile.

"Come on, y'all, let's go get some pizza to celebrate!" said Cyborg.

They went out for pizza and then went back to the tower. The other four weren't going to say anything, but they could all see the proud look Raven had on her face. She was back in action and feeling normal again. It had taken nearly six months, but life in the tower was finally getting back to normal. Or as normal as life in a giant T shaped tower could be with five superheroes living in it.

A month had passed and Raven sat on her bed reading when she heard a knock on her door. "Yes?" she asked.

"It's Beast Boy," he said.

"What do you want?" asked Raven.

"Can I come in?" asked Beast Boy, who was sick of having to go through this whole questioning routine they had. She could never simply say that he could come in.

"Alright," she said.

He slide her door open and entered. He saw her turn the page of her book and not even look up to acknowledge him. He walked over to her and sat down in front of her, waiting for her to respond. She knew what he wanted, so she continued to read until he said something. Minutes passed and the two sat there in silence. Finally, Beast Boy, being the impatient creature he could be sometimes, spoke up.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" he asked.

"I was waiting for you to say something first," she said with a small smirk. "Now what do you want?"

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go out tomorrow night," he said.

"Out? Like… a date?" she asked.

"Well, yeah," said Beast Boy nervously rubbing the back of his head.

"Oh, um, okay," said Raven, feeling her cheeks heat up slightly. It had been a month and the two hadn't actually gone out yet. They had hung out alone, but they never actually went out on an official date. So this was going to be a big step.

"Awesome!" said Beast Boy.

"But," said Raven.

"But?" asked Beast Boy.

"But, I want to know what we're going to do," said Raven.

"Well, I was kinda thinking that we could go to dinner and a movie," said Beast Boy. "You know, a typical date. Is that alright?"

"Actually, yes," said Raven slightly smiling. "That sounds just fine. I was just nervous that you were going to take me to an arcade or something."

"Ha! I know how much you don't like videogames, Rae," he chuckled, mentally thanking Cyborg who told him she wouldn't want to go to the arcade, which was his first idea.

"Raven, Beast Boy," she corrected him.

"You mean I still can't call you Rae?" he whined. "Not even after I told you I love you?"

"I don't care how much you love me, I don't like that nickname," said Raven.

"Fine, what nickname do you like?" asked Beast Boy.

Raven shrugged and said, "I've yet to hear one that's appealed to me."

Beast Boy thought for a second and then a smile spread across his face. "I know what I'm gonna call you," he said.

"I can only imagine," said Raven, turning a page in her book.

"I'm gonna call you my mate," he said with a sweet smile.

"Excuse me?" asked Raven, actually looking up from her book.

"Well, that's what you are," said Beast Boy. "You're my mate."

"Okay, are you calling me mate as in I'm your friend or mate as in I'm your significant other?" asked Raven.

"My significant other, of course," said Beast Boy. "Although, I think a more better term would be girlfriend."

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with you calling me your mate," said Raven, putting her book aside. "It makes me feel… like we're animals or something."

"Well, can I tell you why I want to call you my mate?" asked Beast Boy. She nodded and he proceeded. "Well, all of those times you were near death I wanted to be close to you and I didn't want anyone else to be near you. I didn't know why I had all of these new protective feelings, but they were there. I mean, I knew I loved you, but I was willing to sleep outside of your door to make sure you were safe and out of harms way. And then it occurred to me. This is how animals act when their mate is in trouble. So, that means I've chosen you to be my mate for life."

"For life?" said Raven, a bit shocked. "So… you want me to be with you… forever?"

"If that's okay with you," said Beast Boy with a shy smile.

Raven thought for a moment, her mind racing. Her heart was a flutter as well and she felt her pacemaker go off. Sometimes it would give her a little zap and usually it was when Beast Boy was around her. She was quite aware that he was the only one who could truly put her pacemaker to the test.

She smiled and said, "I suppose I can live with you loving me for the rest of my life."

"That's all I ask," said Beast Boy leaning in and giving her a light kiss. "And, you know, you could love me too if you want."

She gave a slight chuckle and said, "Of course, you better love me forever. Because I don't think I can survive another broken heart. Literally."

**The End**

**!PLEASE REVIEW!**

**(AND NO FLAMES ALLOWED!)**


End file.
